Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 97188 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 486(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97188 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 486(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Her bottom lip quivers the tiniest bit before she makes a visible effort to still it. “I don’t think I want to talk about this anymore.” She sets her hands on my hips, her fingers pulsing. “I just want you. The risk and danger and everything will be waiting for us in the morning, but tonight, all I want is you.”
She’s all I want, too. Not for a single night. Not for a series of hours that will have no chance of sustaining me. I want her forever. But now isn’t the time to say as much. It feels too much like confessing your love before riding off to die in battle. It’s not my style.
So instead, I start backing her toward the bed. “You have me, Maeve. I’m right here. Take me.”
chapter 31
Maeve
Someday, somehow, I desperately want Lizzie in a bed that’s ours. Not a couch or mattress or bathtub belonging to someone else. It’s a fool’s desire. No matter what her words seem to indicate, she’s still leaving. She’s always been leaving.
But not tonight.
I press her down to the bed, thankful that it’s actually a decent size. It’s soft and fluffy, and Lizzie bounces a little on the mattress. Her expression is as open as I’ve ever seen it, and the naked longing written over her features makes my heart beat faster. I care about her so much. I love her, though admitting as much aloud would make me a fool in the worst way.
So I don’t.
I kiss her, filling each touch, each taste, with all the things I don’t dare put into words. The thought of attacking a Cŵn Annwn ship openly fills me with the kind of fear I don’t know how to combat. There will be no going back. If someone on the crew sees me, recognizes me, then my life as I know it is over. I can’t go home. To do so would put my family in danger.
It might not matter. Being related to me is enough to condemn them, though if the Cŵn Annwn try to take them, they’ll have the entire island up in arms. If I don’t go home, if they investigate my mother and grandmother and find out—truthfully—that they have nothing to do with any rebellion, it might be enough to leave them be.
As long as I never go home again.
“Maeve.” Lizzie cups my face, her eyes worried. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.” Perhaps I should lie, should keep this moment of unspoken feelings going. “So much is changing. The risks are so intense, the consequences for failure even more so. I believe in what the rebellion is doing, and I’m willing to sacrifice it all for the cause, but . . .”
Understanding dawns. “Your family.”
“Yes.” I shudder out a breath, glad that I don’t have to explain. If there’s one thing Lizzie and I have in common, it’s that sense of familial obligation. We just . . . go about it in different ways. “Doing this means not going home. Not for a long time, maybe not ever.” Saying it aloud does exactly what I fear—it makes it real. I might never be able to go home. As much as the shores of Viedna felt like they were smothering me at times, losing them is losing a vital part of myself.
Lizzie strokes her thumbs over my cheeks, lightly tracing her touch from freckle to freckle. “As a general rule, I don’t like noble causes.”
“Because martyrs,” I say faintly. I have her in bed, and we’re talking about death and loss. What a sad little excuse for a seduction.
“Because martyrs,” she confirms. “And because for so many people, being noble means their common sense and ruthlessness go out the window. Successful rebellions need that ruthlessness, they need leaders and people willing to do horrible, unforgivable things. I don’t want that for you. You’re so damn good.” She says it like it’s a revelation. “It would hurt you for that goodness to die, and I’m viciously opposed to you being hurt.”
From Lizzie, that’s practically a declaration of love. Or it would be if I were romantic and foolish enough to believe her feeling anything for me would be enough to keep her from leaving.
My eyes burn. “Things can’t go on the way they are, Lizzie. I understand that this isn’t your fight, but it is mine.”
“I know.” She sighs. “I suppose, in addition to keeping you alive, I’ll have to protect your goodness as well.” She brushes a light kiss against my lips. “It will mean you’ll have to ease your rules about murder, though. Do you think you can do that?”
I sit up, still straddling her, so I can see her face clearly. Surely she isn’t suggesting what her words seem to? “Lizzie,” I say carefully. “You’re leaving. It might take a little time to find the appropriate portal to get you close enough to find your way home, but it won’t be more than a few weeks. This conflict with the Cŵn Annwn, once it truly begins, could last for years.” That’s the best-case scenario, the one where the Cŵn Annwn don’t crush us within a few weeks. I want to believe we have enough resources to win, but my knowledge of the full extent of the rebellion has been intentionally limited.