Total pages in book: 125
Estimated words: 122030 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 610(@200wpm)___ 488(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122030 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 610(@200wpm)___ 488(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Zusi is sitting in one of the desk chairs, legs crossed primly, her uniform perfect and crisp. My own pleated maroon skirt is flared around my bare thighs and my white blouse is untucked and wrinkled. I don’t have my scuffed Mary Jane shoes on, but I am wearing the maroon cable-knit knee socks with gold tassels. My left big toe is sticking out of a hole that has been darned several times already.
“I don’t know.” I sigh these words out. Then I turn over, still smiling stupidly, and look at her. “He’s two years older than us.”
“Yeah… but…” She sucks in air as her eyes travel up and down the length of my lean, long body. “He’d definitely go for you.”
“Because I have tits.”
Zusi giggles. She does not have tits. I was the first to fill out, so to speak. And it happened early. I was wearing a C-cup by the time I hit sixth year.
Younger me giggles too, then hides her face with her hands. “No. I’m not even going to talk to him.”
“Why not? I heard he likes you.”
Younger me’s hands come off my face instantly. “You did not.”
“I swear.”
Other me is still wearing a dubious look. And this is when real me remembers this day and I get sad all of a sudden. I was so in love with a boy called Myer. He was, like, the boy in the upper class every girl wanted to date.
He smiled at me that day. I was just walking through the library for my free period, minding my own business. He and his group of friends were at a table near the back. This was their usual place. They had free period the same time as me.
I didn’t usually spend time in the back. The officer in charge of me that year had assigned me a private space for free period so I spent my time on a little second-floor balcony overlooking the main desk in the lobby.
It was a nice space. Really nice space, actually. But it was set apart from everyone.
Anyway, on this day I was just going to get a drink from the fountain and this took me past Myer and his crew.
It wasn’t even planned. Not the way the other girls did it. I think every girl in our class had made that same walk to the drinking fountain, hoping to get a smile out of Myer. And they knew this, so they were smirking at me. And I wasn’t even doing it to make Myer look. I was just… thirsty. And didn’t even think about how he would take it.
They didn’t say anything rude. No one really talked to me, except for Zusi. But I could hear them quietly laughing.
I wasn’t paying any attention to them, just focused on walking. But then my eye caught his and I did a double-take. One of those Holy shit, is he looking at me? kind of looks.
Then he smiled and I quickly looked away and kept going to the drinking fountain. But my heart was racing inside my chest.
He was cute. Very handsome. And rich. He came from a good family. All his friends did. None of them had any reason to even acknowledge I existed, let alone smile at me.
No one was mean to me. No one bullied me. They simply ignored me.
Zusi came from a lower-class family and I’m pretty sure some—or maybe all—of her tuition was paid for because she was assigned the role of my best friend.
But we got along great. Like two peas in a pod.
“So what do you think it means?” Younger me is sitting up a little in bed now, hand propping up her chin. “Do you think he likes me?”
“Of course he likes you. Who wouldn’t like you?”
Both of me smile when she says this. Because even though she knew I wasn’t one of them and didn’t belong in the Guild school, she never accepted it.
That’s why it took me so long to understand.
That’s why, when Myer slipped a note into my hand as I was walking out of the library a couple days later, asking me to meet him that evening at at the dock, I went.
We did kiss. And it was nice for about five minutes. But then his hands were all over me.
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t really object, I was just surprised. And this was my first experience with a boy. I was stupidly thinking we’d go somewhere and have a coffee or something.
He wanted to have sex and we would’ve too. I wasn’t going to say no. Not because I was particularly ready for this moment, more because I just didn’t know how to get out of it once his hand was between my legs.
But we got caught. An officer came out of nowhere, yelling for Myer to get away from me.