Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 91914 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91914 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
I’m not used to this feeling of helplessness.
What am I supposed to do? Lie to him and say everything will be fine? That his worries don’t hold merit? Because they do. They really fucking do. It’s not going to reassure him any when he knows I’m lying. I can promise to do everything in my power to make this work, but what if that’s not enough?
I’m used to getting my way, but a solid future in football and with each other might be one thing that’s out of my reach.
So, I watch him leave, knowing there isn’t anything I can do to stop it.
He needs time. Miller’s a thinker, and he’s analytical, and that’s why we work well together. I’m impulsive, but he’s smart about things.
He’ll come back. He’ll realize this is the right thing.
That’s the lie I’ll tell myself, because even though I have my shit together always, this is the first time in my life when I can feel everything slipping away.
What if it’s not just cold feet and he’s rethinking everything? What if he comes to the conclusion it’ll be easier to walk away forever?
The living room of the suite is minus one agent when I gather the courage to go back out there.
Lennon and Damon stand together, both looking worried.
“Miller just needs to cool off,” I say. “This is big, and he’s been fighting for his career for months—pushing himself to get ready for the season. This has the ability to make all that work pointless.”
I hope that’s what his true issue is. Because that’s fixable. We fight more, push harder …
“I just wish I could reassure him about how this is gonna go over.”
Damon nods. “It’s better for him to have that freak-out now instead of when it’s too late to take back.”
“I don’t know what to do. Where’s Alan?”
Damon purses his lips. “You’ve got a lawyer on hand, right?”
My stomach sinks to my balls. “I can get one. Why?”
“Umm … so, those doors aren’t exactly thick, and you and Miller were loud. He was on the phone to Touchstone Sports basically the minute you threatened to fire him.”
“Trying to find a way out of the contract?” I light up at the possibility. I need a supportive team around me, not someone who wants to drive a wedge between me and Miller.
Miller was completely fine until Alan opened his mouth.
Damon grimaces. “Trying to keep you locked to it more like it. You’re their firm’s biggest client. I totally understand why he’d be reluctant to let you come out, but the industry needs more guys like you to step forward. Matt, Soren, and Ollie are a great start, but in all truth, they’ve barely dented the surface.”
“I want to do the article, but it feels wrong doing it without Miller.”
“If you’re worried about this affecting him, we could always redact Miller’s name and replace it with someone else’s to protect his identity, or we could not talk about him at all,” Lennon says.
“I kinda have to talk about him. He’s the entire reason I even discovered this side of me.”
“Ooh, that’s good. We can use that.” Lennon walks over to his computer. “If you still want to do this, we won’t publish it until I get the okay from you and your agent.”
With Alan leaving half-cocked and Miller “getting air,” I know it’s not the time to do this. I want to tell the world my experience, because if someone had told me a year ago that I would be head over heels in love with a man right now, I never would’ve believed it.
Miller’s blindsided me in more ways than one, and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Ever.
Just as my phone vibrates in my pocket, Damon says, “I’m gonna go check on Miller.”
Miller: I’m gonna catch a cab to the ferry and go back to Mom’s. I’m sorry. I just can’t.
“No point. He’s gone.” I hold up my phone. “Who wants a drink?”
I head for the minibar.
Damon and Lennon don’t say anything.
Drink in hand, I throw myself on the stupid love seat and hate that it’s the most uncomfortable piece of furniture ever made.
Lennon closes his laptop. “For what it’s worth, Ollie and I went through something similar. Had it not been for Soren, we still might be hiding in a closet.”
I can’t help thinking at least they would still be together. After Miller’s freak-out, I don’t know where we stand.
* * *
The emails from Touchstone Sports and Alan start coming in before I’ve even finished the mini bottle of scotch in the hotel room. Lennon, Damon, and I shoot the shit and laugh instead of doing the interview, and old stories of Miller and me pour from my mouth—mainly of what we did in college. You know, minus the three-ways.
“You’re in love with him,” Lennon says.