Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 162003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 810(@200wpm)___ 648(@250wpm)___ 540(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 162003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 810(@200wpm)___ 648(@250wpm)___ 540(@300wpm)
“It’s just this day,” she explained. “It was the birthday of someone who was very special to me. I mentioned him to you once.”
“Your ex-boyfriend?”
She shook her head. “He wasn’t my ex. We were still together when he passed away.”
I wrapped my arms around myself and squeezed tight, unsure what to say. I’d never been good at comforting people. And I was even less comfortable with the subject of death. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. The closest I’d come to losing anyone was having my father run out on us when I was a baby. But that was a choice, not a force of circumstance, and I didn’t even remember who he was.
“I’m really sorry, Nicole. I didn’t know.”
“We were supposed to get married.” She looked up at me with bleary eyes. “We were both young, but we knew that’s what we wanted. I know we would have too.”
“I’m sure he loved you very much,” I agreed. “I don’t see how anyone couldn’t, Nicole. You’re an amazing woman.”
She collapsed onto the sofa, and her entire body shook as she broke into sobs.
“He was my whole world,” she insisted. “I never would have betrayed him. But he’s gone now, and I still feel obligated… like I can’t move on. I know I shouldn’t be saying these things, God, I sound like such an awful person. But its how I feel. Like I’m standing still. The whole world is moving around me, but I’m stuck in a different time and place.”
“Nicole.” I reached for her hands and squeezed them in mine, putting as much conviction into my voice as I could muster. “You aren’t dishonoring him by moving on. I’m sure he would have wanted you to be happy. He would have wanted you to have a life, even if he couldn’t be a part of it.”
“He won’t let me,” she cried. “He won’t let me move on.”
I stared at her in confusion. “Who won’t?”
She snapped her attention back to me and bit her lip as though she’d said too much. I’d heard about how grief could really mess with a person’s head, and I wondered if that’s what was happening here. I wanted to ask her more about it, but before I could, she stood up and wiped away her tears.
“I need some sleep,” she said. “I’m tired, and I’m not even making any sense right now. I’m sorry, Brighton. I didn’t mean to put all of this on you.”
“It’s okay,” I reassured her. “That’s what I’m here for. I’m your friend, and I want you to talk to me. About anything.”
Instead of comforting her, my words had the opposite effect, and I wasn’t sure why. But Nicole gave me a tight smile as she said good night and padded off to her room.
Chapter Fifteen
Ryland avoided me the entire next day at work, and I was grateful.
I wasn’t in the mood to smile for my co-workers, so I kept to my desk most of the day.
By the time I left work at five, I was exhausted. But I needed to go to the store to get some groceries. The apartment had very little left in it, and I was in the mood for something with carbs.
Feeling a bit rebellious, I hopped onto the first cable car I saw and just rode it around for a while. I was still getting used to the public transportation system in San Francisco, and most of the time I stayed close to the apartment. But since I needed to take my mind off things, I figured exploring the city was one way to do it.
I was aware I was breaking Ryland’s rules by not texting him for permission. My phone burned in my hand the farther I went, and it was threatening to put a damper on the experience. I didn’t want to text him today. I wanted one day where I could pretend to be normal and enjoy my life without all the rules that hung over me. So I turned off my phone and shoved it into my bag. And before I could really think about the consequences, I tore off the GPS bracelet and tossed it out the window too.
I felt a little guilty for littering, but it was overshadowed by my newfound freedom. I was sure there would be punishment later, but right then, I didn’t care.
The cable car came to a stop after about thirty minutes, and the operator announced this was the end of the line. When I glanced out the window, I frowned, having no idea where I was. Still, I piled off along with everyone else and started walking.
I asked a nice elderly man if there were any shopping places in this part of the city, and he pointed me a couple blocks in the opposite direction. I made the sojourn in my heels, much to my discomfort, and ended up in China Town.