Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 131888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 528(@250wpm)___ 440(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 528(@250wpm)___ 440(@300wpm)
Nothing he did would bring her back.
Nothing he did would give him even a few more minutes in her presence.
And nothing… Absolutely fucking nothing would give him back the child they created together.
The one he never got to hold.
Or name.
Or see who she took after.
Their unborn, unnamed daughter now kept Jackie company in her grave.
At least his wife had that.
While Nox was alone.
The woman and child he lived for, gone in a single moment.
The overpaid therapist couldn’t bring them back.
This fucking group couldn’t bring them back.
And neither could the woman forcing them to sit in a goddamn circle like that was going to make everything fucking better.
It wasn’t.
Nothing would make any of it better.
Nothing would dull the fucking pain.
His fingers dug into his thighs, and he squeezed his eyes shut.
He was struggling to breathe.
Struggling to move on.
Everything was a goddamn struggle.
The only way to be a family again would be to join them.
But if he told anyone he wanted to be placed with Jackie and his daughter in their casket, they would lock him away. Far away from them.
Probably in some locked, padded room. With a mattress and no sheets. No metal utensils.
No shoelaces.
Nothing. Because they knew what was better for him than he did himself.
That was the excuse they’d use.
When it wasn’t true.
“Brad.”
Chapter Three
When his name whispered through his head, his eyes opened and he glanced around looking for the owner of that voice.
Jackie.
She was calling out for him.
Just like she probably had on that day.
Someone to his left droned on about the loved one they lost. Reminiscing about a core memory that made them both laugh and cry at the same time.
He didn’t give a shit. But he damn well bet she did. She was probably blubbering, too.
He glanced across the circle, surprised to find that she wasn’t listening to that person at all.
She was watching him.
His heart began to race, and his eyesight began to narrow. His ears rang so loudly, it drowned out the person talking.
He needed to get the fuck out of there.
She was going to break him open and turn him inside out.
She was going to make him feel again.
And he couldn’t risk that.
Not again.
He jumped out of his seat and beelined toward the door.
Not hearing anything.
Not seeing anything but escape.
He made it out the door and down the hallway. But before he could shove his way through the double glass doors leading outside, his elbow was grabbed and squeezed hard.
He jerked his arm free and spun to confront the person.
Of course.
It was her.
Once again chasing him down.
Determined to help.
Despite him not wanting that.
He had no good reason to crack himself open because he already knew what was inside.
Nothing.
Emptiness.
Darkness.
“Nox…”
Without a word, he spun again, shoved open the door and headed outside.
Where he could breathe a little easier.
Where he didn’t feel so boxed in.
“Nox,” she called out.
He cursed under his breath but kept walking, making a break for his bike.
“Bradley Lennox! You stop right there!”
He slammed on the brakes and spun, surprised to find himself face to face with her. The woman could move. “Stop talking to me like I’m a goddamn child!”
“Then stop acting like one!” she yelled back.
His head jerked back.
She glared at him with her chest heaving.
His was doing the same.
He could see her mentally shake herself and her next words were much quieter. “You’re going to destroy my self-esteem if you keep trying to avoid me. Is it my breath? Do I have an extreme case of halitosis?” She cupped her hand over her mouth and huffed into it. “No, just a little bit of garlic from my lunch.”
Was this woman for real?
“Listen… I know change can be difficult, but you shouldn’t have such a meltdown over something as simple as going from sitting in rows to a circle.”
“I didn’t have a fucking meltdown.”
She tipped her head to the side. “No? Then, I guess I should clean my glasses.”
“You’re not wearing glasses.”
“That’s right. Because I have perfect 20/20 vision and I know what I saw.”
Holy shit, this woman. She might be able to out-will him. If he let her. Which he wouldn’t. “Your group is waiting for you.”
“You’re a part of the group.” She flung a hand toward the community center. “Let’s go back inside.”
If he insisted that he didn’t want to sit in a circle, he would sound like a damn child. But then, storming out hadn’t been very mature, either.
Christ, this whole thing was a lose-lose situation. “I gotta go.”
As he turned, her hand shot out and snagged his forearm. Why did she keep touching him?
He stared down at her tight grip.
“I’ve been thinking about something you said last week. You mentioned you were forced to be here. By who?”
Her question made him raise his eyes back to her face. It was so strikingly fucking beautiful.
He grimaced at where his thoughts went.