Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 71651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
“Rinse off with me,” I said. “Don’t want your first time with me to be when I’m all sweaty and filthy from yard work, do you?”
He bit down on his lower lip. “I’d take you while you were dirty, Finn, trust me,” he murmured. “But I want to rinse off right now, too. One rule.”
“What is it?”
“You can’t touch me in the shower.”
“Give me a break.”
“Not because I don’t like it,” he said, giving me a teasing glance as he pulled off his shirt and tossed down his jeans. “I just want to see if you can do it.”
“Is this some test?” I asked, stepping in the shower after him. “Because you know I can do it. I’ve showered with you before.”
“I know,” he said, grabbing the body wash and starting to lather himself up. “So you can do it tonight, too.”
“You want to torture me,” I said.
“Didn’t seem like torture to you all those times we did it in the past.”
“That was different.”
Steam rose in the shower between us, floating away. He was giving me a pointed stare, and I watched the droplets of water fall down the front of his chest.
“Why is it different now, then?”
I realized immediately what this was.
He wanted to suss me out. Wanted to see if I was going to revert back to the way things had been in the past.
“I didn’t know how good you felt back then,” I said, opting for the truth.
“We fought,” he said, running his palms along the front of his body in a lather. “You knew how my body felt, in that way.”
“Yeah, and I fuckin’ liked it,” I tossed back at him. “You know we both liked it.”
“So what’s with your newfound curiosity about getting fucked?” he pressed. “And kissing me? And sucking my cock—”
“I don’t know, Ori,” I said, more forcefully than I’d meant to. I stood in the hot spray of the shower, thoughts swirling in my head at a million miles a minute. “I don’t know. But if you’re not going to believe me, I can’t force you to. I always wanted to be closer to you.”
The flare of anger even surprised me.
“How close was I supposed to have you?” he asked. “It was off the table, Finn. I didn’t want to risk losing you. You were all I had. My only fucking friend.”
“And that never would have changed,” I whispered.
“Are you going to make me say it?” he said, with venom in his voice. “I didn’t ever want there to be the possibility I’d fall for you. Distance was easier. In every sense of the term.”
It was like the ground had just shifted under my feet. Imperceptibly, but permanently.
Oh.
I was so goddamn naive.
Ori had been afraid that if he got too close to me, I’d reel in the other direction. That he’d freak me out because he was gay, and I wasn’t.
He was afraid his worst fears would be confirmed: that I’d react like his worst aggressors did, shoving him away for everything that was different about him.
I’d been so convinced—so sure of the fact that Ori just plain couldn’t ever be attracted to me, after all of the times he’d told me I wasn’t his type.
He’d been protecting himself without me knowing it.
And I’d kept that distance, too, trying to respect his boundaries.
I put a hand against the cold tile wall of the shower, stepping under the water again and washing away the lather, cataloging every stupid thing I’d thought over the last decade of my life.
I felt something blooming out from inside me, something reckless that I didn’t care to control.
“I love you,” I said.
Point blank.
Steam whirled its way between the two of us in the shower.
“Finn, you don’t need to—”
“I love you,” I repeated, looking at him as plainly as ever. “Always have. You could never have pushed me away.”
“Fuck off,” he whispered, turning to wipe at his cheek with the heel of his palm.
“For Christ’s sake, Ori, come here,” I said, stepping toward him and crushing my body to his. I gripped him close, tightening around him as I pressed kisses to his wet hair, his temple, his cheeks. When I kissed his mouth I tried to show him how I felt with every fucking second I was on him.
I never, ever would have left your side.
The tiniest trace of salt from his tears landed on my lips, and my heart cracked into a million pieces and grew again, all at once.
“I am going to kick your ass for this,” he said against my lips as I held his head in my hands.
I puffed out a laugh, breathing deep, not knowing I’d been holding my breath.
“You can kick my ass,” I told him. “As long as you don’t fade away from me again.”
“I don’t want to fade away,” he said. “Still don’t even know why you like having me around.”