Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 71651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
“Exactly,” I said.
I’d never felt ashamed that I wasn’t looking for long-term love back in LA. I’d just never felt ready for it.
Not even a little bit ready.
I didn’t know what it would take for me to be ready to commit, but I sure as hell hadn’t found it in Los Angeles, no matter how many hot guys I found.
“Well, something weird happened,” Finn finally said, peering over at me. “And I probably shouldn't have told Christina about it.”
There.
Finally.
He was finally saying something real. Maybe even opening up to me.
Please, Finn, don’t make me beg for it?
I raised my eyebrows, trying to seem mostly nonchalant. “Okay, now you’ve got me wondering.”
“Initially, Christina said she wanted to take a break,” he told me, crossing his arms. “We were both allowed to fuck other people, but we weren’t sure if we were… fully done with each other yet, either.”
“Doesn’t sound like a clean break,” I said. “Sounds kind of messy.”
“It got messy,” Finn said.
“How messy?”
“I was naive, and should have known better.”
I winced. “Did you sleep with another girl?” I asked, taking another sip.
Finn gave me a hard stare.
“I, uh… let another guy suck my dick.”
I snorted. “Good one.”
“Not kidding.”
“You should be a comedian, Finn. Maybe it’s your calling.”
His lips didn’t budge into his usual, easy smile, though.
“Ori, I meant it when I said you don’t know everything about me anymore.”
It cut to the core this time.
No shot.
No shot in fucking hell Finn had let his dick anywhere in a two-foot radius of another guy’s mouth.
“A guy sucked you off?” I asked, still giving him a doubtful stare.
He breathed deep, looking down at the kitchen mat on the floor and uncrossing his arms.
“I got drunk at Hard Spot,” Finn said. “There was a guy who was visiting from out of town somewhere. Illinois or Indiana, I can’t remember. He seemed lonely so I chatted with him, and after I started drinking I ended up spilling my guts to him. I was in a bad place.”
“You told him about your break with Christina?”
Finn’s eyelashes were two dark rows as he looked down at the floor. “Told him about that. And told him about you.”
I furrowed my brow. “What about me?”
“That my best friend left town years ago and that it didn’t feel like we’d ever get our friendship back,” Finn said quickly, like he was trying to mechanically force the words out of his mouth. “I don’t remember. It was dumb.”
This was almost harder to believe than the dick sucking part.
Finn rarely opened up to anyone, especially not strangers. He was always extremely friendly and kind, but he didn’t get personal.
Really, he only used to get personal with me.
“Christ, Finn,” I said softly.
“He was staying at the inn across the street, and when he invited me back to his room, I was… even more dumb. I thought he really just wanted to watch a movie with a friendly face, but…”
“Bless your heart,” I said, not caring that my southern drawl came out a little as I said it.
Finn met my eyes, and I felt like I was looking right into his soul for a moment.
“He said I was really hot. He complimented me a lot, and said he hadn’t sucked dick in a while. I was flattered. He said that talking to me was the best thing that had happened to him in months.”
I raised my eyebrows. “So you just let him suck you off because you felt like he was a nice guy?”
Finn shrugged. “I was curious. What the hell else do you want from me?”
“You’re the straightest guy I know,” I protested.
“A mouth is a mouth, and I did get along well with him,” Finn said. “Back in ancient history, guys sucked other guys’ dicks all the time.”
I couldn’t argue with that.
“You were curious,” I repeated, lost for any other words.
I felt like my entire world had just gone upside-down and Finn was acting like it was just a random night at a bar.
“I felt weird for a couple of weeks afterward,” Finn said. “I questioned a lot of things. I, uh, looked at the gay parts of dating apps and tried to see if I was actually attracted to guys, but that was a bust.”
“You didn’t tell me any of this?”
His eyes were smoldering. “We haven’t told each other shit in years, Ori.”
I couldn’t argue with that, either.
“Wow.”
“Anyway, the thought of dating any of those guys or even kissing dudes didn’t appeal to me, so I realized it was just a weird one-time thing. I was drunk, sad, and drifting. When I told Christina, it definitely solidified that we were broken up for good, though.”
“You didn’t have to tell her about that night, Finn.”
“I know,” he said. “But… you know. I had to get it off my chest.”
I was quiet for a while. The low humming sound of the refrigerator filled the air between us.