Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 98418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
"So instead I have to find out at the same time as the rest of the world!?" I try to bite back the flash of temper.
"You know what Theo, this isn't about you. It's not something you needed to know. What I choose to tell you is my fucking choice." Her voice is low and distant. I can almost see the moment where the shutters come down, blocking me out as though I were just any other person and not the guy who would walk on hot coals for her. I know she's just hurting, but it still fucking kills me that she won't let me in.
"Jesus Christ Lilly, this isn't just a titbit of information, this is huge. If I'd known I could have made sure this never got into the papers at all." I run my hands through my hair as I start pacing the room. "Why do you have to be so god damn evasive all the time?!" I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to rein it in.
Her fiery temper surfaces like a viper. "I don't need you to protect me Theo. I don't need anyone. Fuck off and go and play the caveman role elsewhere." She screams, spitting venom in my direction.
My temper jumps to the forefront burning in my chest and boiling over, spurred by her blatant rejection. "Fuck!" I launch my fist into the nearest wall, leaving a hole in the dry wall. I grit my teeth and take deep breaths before turning to her. Her eyes are blazing with fury, ready for the fight. Something in me breaks. "Fine Lilly. You know what fucking fine. You don't tell me shit anyway. I'm done with all these secrets and lies. This relationship is such bullshit!" I turn on my heel and storm out. I don't stop until I'm in the back of a cab again.
The red hot rage starts to give way to something else. As I piece together the fragmented shards of Lilly's closed off personality I see a woman who is broken. I feel the loss for the trusting carefree woman she could have been and a crippling pain over the tragic events inflicted upon that woman. I want to take away her pain and hold her.
No matter how hard I try though I can't let it go, I can't move past the hurt and betrayal that I feel over her lack of trust in me. God I'm such a selfish arsehole.
Within an hour of my leaving her office I call Lilly to apologise. It goes to answerphone, so I call again, same result. I call fifteen times in the next three hours. Nothing. In the end I call Walkers office, but he tells me she's gone home for the rest of the day.
I pull up outside Lilly's flat and see the Maserati parked outside on double yellow lines. She must be in.
I press the buzzer a few times before someone eventually answers. "Hello?"
"Lilly?"
"No, it's me, Molly." Her voice is quiet.
"Is she there?" The desperation leaks into my voice.
"She had a rough morning. She's taking a nap."
I rest my head against the door in defeat. "I really fucked up." I say quietly.
"Yeah, you did. Look, give me five minutes." The speaker crackles and then goes dead.
A few minutes later Molly opens the door and steps outside. "Let’s take a walk." She heads off down the pavement as I slowly turn and follow her in a daze. We cross the road into Holland Park.
We walk for a while before I break the silence. "How is she?" I ask.
"Okay, all things considered. She's tough, you know that." Her eyes soften as she talks about her friend.
"She is." I whisper. "I was a total prick to her earlier." The guilt grips me painfully.
She nods. "Yeah, from what I can gather you were kind of a douche." She smiles.
"I didn't know what to do. I guess I was just pissed that she didn't tell me you know." I search her features.
"I know." She gives me a reassuring nod. "But you have to realise that she's has been through a lot. Lilly's tough exterior is the result of having to toughen up. Lilly learned very early on, too early on, that the world is a tough place and people can be very cruel. The Lilly you know is just a protective wall for the person I know underneath it. She will have wanted to tell you, I expect she was just trying to find the right time. She never talks about it, not to anyone." She shakes her head and looks desperately sad.
"I...was it..." I take a deep breath, unable to form the words that I'm not sure I want an answer to.
Her eyes fix me. "Was it bad?" I nod my head. She sighs. "The most horrific thing I've ever seen...I found her. I should have kept a better eye on her, but never in a million years did I think that would happen." Her face contorts in pain. We pause at a bench under an oak tree and sit. "We were at a house party. She was barely tipsy, and George was wasted, so I was keeping an eye on him. Even when I noticed she was missing I just assumed she'd pulled." Her eyes drop to her hands in her lap. Her eyebrows pinch together. I can tell this is hard for her. "After a while I went upstairs to find her." She gasps a shuddering sharp intake of breath as a tear slips down her cheek.