Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
The driver swerves to the side of the road and stops.
I rest my hand on the driver’s shoulder. “We’ll pay you whatever it costs to go back before it gets dark.” The sun is already starting to set. I’m not sure it will matter, but we have to try.
When we return to the spot where we ate our strawberries—where we had sex—Zach flies out of the vehicle and sprints up the hill. I follow him, just not as quickly because I’m not sure I should be running with stitches in my head.
Dear God …
It’s hard to watch.
At the top of the hill, Zach crawls around on the ground, using the flashlight on his phone to see because the sun is nearly hidden beneath the horizon.
I bring up the light on my phone and crawl on my hands and knees to help him look too.
“Fuck. I shouldn’t have … stupid … fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Zach groans and grumbles, anger and frustration rolling off his body in strong waves that bring tears to my eyes. Everything in my chest and the pit of my stomach tightens like a hard fist.
If I wouldn’t have asked for the picture, he wouldn’t have taken off his wedding band. If we wouldn’t have had sex, it wouldn’t have fallen out of his pocket.
I was wrong. Regret has a way of coming to the surface no matter how hard we try to drown it.
After crawling around for nearly forty-five minutes, the sky in the highlands reaches complete darkness. Zach sits back on his heels. Total defeat. He threads his hands through his hair as he looks to the heavens and closes his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.
He’s not apologizing to me. I know this. And it’s okay. I don’t want him to ever stop loving her, even if that means he can never truly love me. Suzie was my friend, and she deserves to be loved for eternity. Maybe Zach and I are doomed to the hell that is unrequited love.
She has moved on, and he never will. And I … well, I’m not sure where I stand. I have a roof over my head every night, but my heart remains homeless.
“Let’s go,” he says, barely a whisper as he lumbers to his feet and heads back down the hill.
Gathering the chipped and cracked pieces of my heart, I follow him.
When we return to the hotel after a long, silent ride, he heads straight to his room, pausing before shutting the door. “I need … a minute.”
From the other side of the room, I put on a brave face he can’t see. “I understand.”
The door clicks shut behind him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
The next morning, I wake early and pack my suitcase. When I open the door, Zach is on the sofa, freshly showered, head bowed to his phone. He looks up and smiles. It’s genuine, but reserved.
“Good morning.” I return the smile and step into the main room, pulling my suitcase behind me.
His charming smile vanishes as he focuses on my luggage.
“I’m uh … feeling fine. So I messaged Leah and told her I’d go with her today. She’s taking engagement photos for a couple we met on our first day here.”
He offers me a tiny nod, lips curled together like he’s holding something back.
I clear my throat and infuse confidence into my posture and my voice. “Thank you for coming. It really was incredibly kind. And I feel bad that you wasted vacation time on me, but … nonetheless I’m really grateful.”
I feel terrible that you lost your wedding band.
“Of course,” he says. Zach isn’t himself at all. He is holding back.
As tempting as it is to push him to tell me whatever it is that’s weighing so heavily on him, I think it’s best to let it be. Let him go home without saying everything.
“I’ll take you back to the hostel.” He stands.
I shake my head. “I can grab a ride. No need to pay for a car back here.”
He nods several times, being way too agreeable for the dad-mode Zach that arrived yesterday. “Do you have everything? Your medication? Plenty of money? Do you want me to get you breakfast?”
There he is, a little glimpse of the man from yesterday morning.
“Leah and I are going to grab breakfast when I get back to the hostel, but thank you.”
I never ever dreamed that we’d be this amicable, this platonic, after what happened on that hill yesterday. It’s utterly heartbreaking. Words fail me at every turn. My confidence is nonexistent.
“Have a safe flight home.” I smile.
Zach makes his way to me, hands in his front pockets. I will never look at pockets again without thinking of him losing his wedding band and how devastated he was crawling around in the dark. With every step, it feels like I’m suffocating more and more, like I can either have oxygen or close proximity to Zach, but not both. I’m barely holding on right now.