Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
My head continues to shake as I hold my breath and listen to Leah verbalize my every emotion.
“I bet he misses you too.” She grins.
“He doesn’t miss me the same way,” I whisper, slowly showing her my feelings.
“Does he know how you miss him?”
“No.”
“Then how can you possibly know how he misses you?”
“Because he lost his wife, and I don’t think his heart is capable of even coming close to having feelings for another woman or missing someone in that way.”
“Well, how will you know if you don’t get out of this bed right now and go see him?”
On a nervous laugh, I run my fingers through my hair. “And he opens his hotel room door and asks why I’m there? What do I say?”
“You say you couldn’t wait until tomorrow to see him.”
“By the time I get there, it will be midnight. So … what then? I see him and he stares at me with tired eyes—which will make me feel bad because he a has a job in which he’s responsible for hundreds of lives and he needs good sleep. So I say hi, turn around, and get a ride back here only to see him again in the morning?”
“Or you crash with him in his hotel room.”
I shake my head. “That’s crazy and weird.”
Leah kneels on the end of the bed and reaches for my hands. “What are you afraid of?”
“Nothing.”
She squeezes my hands. “How did you feel when he said he’s here in Sydney?”
“I didn’t feel—”
“Stop. Just stop.” She yanks at my hands until I lift my gaze to hers. “Let me see it.”
“See what?”
“Your heart. Your fears. The things you wouldn’t dream of ever saying aloud. You need to set them free. I see it in your eyes; it’s killing you.”
After a few blinks, I avert my gaze. “I love him,” I whisper. “But it’s complicated.”
“His wife dying isn’t complicated. It’s life.”
“It’s … more than that.”
“Cool.” She readjusts so she’s on her butt with her legs crossed, facing me. “I’m listening.”
I glance at the alarm clock.
“Unless you have somewhere you need to go.”
“This is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done …” I throw back the blanket and climb out of bed. “And I’ve done many stupid things,” I say, pulling on a T-shirt and jeans.
“We have a tour at two tomorrow. Be back by one.”
I tug on my brown leather ankle boots and glance up at her. “I’ll probably be back in less than two hours when he sends me back here so he can sleep.”
“I doubt it,” she says just as I open the door.
I take my one-ton bundle of nerves and anxiety and drag it to the front of the hostel, where I order a ride to the hotel address he texted me.
Silent laughter at my own crazy assumption echoes in my head all the way to his hotel. All the way to his room, where I stand with a shaky fist held an inch from his door.
I’m so scared; oxygen feels in short supply at the moment.
Knock. Knock.
I tip my chin down, knowing he’s going to look through the peephole to see me before he opens the door. Frightened out of my fucking mind isn’t a good look, so I hide my face from sight until the door eases open.
Zach rubs his tired eyes while mine focus on his naked chest and black running shorts. “Emersyn …” His voice holds as much exhaustion as the rest of his body.
This was a terrible decision even if my entire chest is ready to explode because it’s been too long since I’ve seen him in person.
“I … I couldn’t sleep, and I thought with the huge time difference that maybe you couldn’t either, but clearly you can. So I’ll just come back at ten.” I turn.
“Emersyn.”
I stop with my back to him, my breath held hostage to the point of pain.
“It’s so … fucking … good to see you,” he says with such relief to his words.
All that relief rips the rawest emotions from me as I turn and throw my arms around him while I cry. Again.
“Those better be happy tears.”
Keeping my face buried in his neck, I nod and sniffle.
“You’ve lost weight. I don’t think you had weight to lose.” He releases me, and I quickly wipe my face. I know his worry comes from genuine concern. He watched Suzie lose weight until she lost her last breath.
“Traipsing around the world, hiking, swimming, paddle boarding … it’s a little more exercise than cleaning houses and stopping at the gym for an hour several times a week,” I say.
He closes the door behind us as I mosey into his room that’s just a bed, a desk, and a single chair by the window.
“I’ll eat several days’ worth of food at brunch if it makes you feel better, but…” when I reach the window, I turn and slide my hands into my front pockets as he pulls on a T-shirt “…physically I’ve never felt better. Lots of vitamin D.”