Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Suzie is everything good in my life. What will happen when she’s not here? Will all the holes she’s filled in my life feel hollow again? I pop a few pieces of cereal into my mouth and smirk. “I can’t imagine there’s anyone better than you, but I like how you think. Even if some of the lovemaking is a mistake.”
Suzie shrugs. “Two birds. One stone.”
I shake my head. “Where were you when I needed this advice? When my mom was too busy being a truly horrible person?”
“Well, I don’t want you to think of me as a mom … that makes me feel old. Big sister?”
Too late. Suzie’s everything.
“Big sister it is.” I slip behind her and wrap my arms around her narrow shoulders, giving her a gentle hug while kissing her cheek. “Do you think we were friends in another life? I feel like everything is easy with you, like I could tell you anything.”
Like I could tell you I’m living out of my car.
But I don’t, even though I feel everything in my life is more manageable when I share it with her. Suzie has a way of reducing mountain-sized problems into boulders … minor bumps in the road.
“I do,” she says. “I think we were … something. But it’s just going to be you again. Okay? Don’t let yourself stay in a rut. Think of the mistakes I made, all the things I wish I would have done differently. Then you do it better. When you’re questioning your purpose or can’t see which direction you’re headed, pack up your crap and change the scenery. I regret the times I spent trying to repaint the same canvas.” Suzie sighs. “But for now, be done.” She turns as I release her. “No more cleaning today.”
“But I’m not done.” With a firm smile, I try to hold my ground. I know she’s getting ready to suggest something that will prevent me from doing my real job, something that will make it hard to accept my paycheck when Zach hands it to me with a sincere thank you. How many bosses thank their employees every week? One.
Just one.
Zach Hays.
When he thanks me, it feels like he’s thanking me for so much more than dusting and running the vacuum.
“This afternoon, there’s nothing to clean and cancer doesn’t exist.”
My eyes narrow just enough to make me feel responsible for a few seconds. “Well … I definitely like the part where you don’t have cancer, but Zach coming home to a half-clean house doesn’t sound as appealing.”
“Screw Zach.”
I giggle. “As appealing as that sounds …”
Suzie’s eyes widen, and her jaw relaxes into an undecipherable expression.
“Joking … I’m completely joking. Please tell me you know I’m joking.”
Closing her mouth, she covers it with her hand as she snorts a laugh.
Thank god. She knows I’m joking.
“I’m sure Zach could use a good screw about now. It’s been a long time.”
My cheeks flush. We haven’t talked about sex—well, her sex life—which is surprising because we talk about everything else.
“He still thinks he could break me. I’m fragile, but not that fragile. And I can’t think of a better way to go than dying from sex.”
A giggle sneaks past my lips even though this topic feels a little inappropriate and morbid.
On another dreamy sigh, she continues, “It’s hard to explain how losing my breasts crushed me, not because clothes would never fit right again. Not because I worried about people noticing. No … it was knowing that a part of me, which brought Zach so much pleasure, was gone—like cancer stole a piece of our intimacy. Not that he’s ever looked at me with anything but complete love and desire. It’s different than other cancers that leave internal scars but stay hidden in places we can’t see. Nope. We can’t be intimate and not see—not feel—it in the most physical way.
“I worried so much about him. I worried he would miss my breasts and feel wrong about ever admitting it. Then one day, I was looking in our bathroom mirror after a shower, and I said, ‘I miss my breasts.’ He glanced up while buttoning his jeans, and he replied, ‘I do too, but not as much as I’d miss you.’ And oh my god … I nearly died. I didn’t expect him to admit it. But the fact that he did—that he was honest with me—then followed it up with that last part …” She shakes her head again, tears in her eyes. “I fell in love with him harder than I did the first time.”
Suzie swallows hard several times, fighting to keep the emotions from having their way.
“Well …” I twist my lips, nose wrinkled. “That’s just the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard a man say.”
It was epic. And we both know it.
Suzie groans and rolls her eyes. “I know, right? Like, come on. Who says that? Try to be a little more original, Zach. Total cheeseball.” Her smile says thank you for lightening the mood. Her smile reminds me that we agreed I would not be a maid this afternoon and she would not have cancer.