Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Something about those words broke to pieces the dam inside me, allowing all my pent-up thoughts to flow like an overpowering river. “That makes two of us. I mean, what the fuck, Jojo? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. As soon as I realized what Katie was doing, I fucking hated that guy. Then you were talking to him, and having things in common with him, and I felt…I felt betrayed.” Even to my own ears, it sounded stupid as hell. How could I have been betrayed? I didn’t give a fuck if he talked to Romeo or anyone else.
“Because someone might be interested in me!” he snapped back, fire in his voice. “What, I’m not supposed to get that? Romeo can, and Mouse can, and you can—all the fucking time, I might add—but nope, not me! I’m supposed to just be there waiting for you and everyone else?”
“No, I…” I knelt, my elbows on my knees, hands fisted in my hair. My head really was throbbing now, too many thoughts spiraling, running out of control. “No, of course not. I just…I don’t fucking know, okay?” I shoved back to my feet, feeling like I might throw up. “You think I don’t feel like the biggest fucking bastard in the world for behaving like I did tonight? I want you happy, and I hate that you have to hide. I don’t know, Jojo. It just made me feel like…like I was going to lose you. Or like Mike or some other guy would come along and be better for you than I am, or take my place. It’s dumb, I know that, because I don’t feel that way with Romeo.” I dropped my head back and cursed. “Fuck.”
The moon was high and bright, clouds surrounding it but not covering it, as if there was some magical force field around it. Stars peppered the sky, and even as bad as I felt, I smiled because the stars reminded me of Jojo.
“Why?” he asked. “Why do you feel like he would take me away from you? Is Katie going to take you away from me?”
“Fuck no.”
“Any other girl?”
“No.”
“Then why? Why would you think that about him?”
“I don’t know.” I began to pace.
“Why Mike and not Romeo?”
“He’s gay and…you liked him.”
“But if no girl can take you away from me and no guy can take me away from you, why would it bother you?”
“I don’t know,” I repeated.
“There has to be a reason, Gage. Why? Why does it matter if I meet a guy, and he gives me his number, and I get to hold hands with someone at a movie the way you do, or if they get to kiss me the way Katie kisses you, or touch me the way she gets to touch you?”
He was following me, his footsteps heavy, my thoughts loud and echoey, distorted and unclear. “I don’t fucking know!” I screamed…then stopped. “I don’t know.” It seemed to be all I was capable of saying.
Joey walked over to me, stood in front of me. It wasn’t until he wiped a stray tear that I realized one had escaped. Why the fuck was I crying?
I dropped my forehead to his and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry.” My voice was rough, hoarse.
Jojo’s arms wrapped around my shoulders, taking the blanket with them, so we were both enveloped inside. “It’s okay.”
When my hands moved and held his hips, I realized I was shaking, but it had nothing to do with the cold.
I didn’t let go. Jojo didn’t either. We stood there shivering together, breathing each other’s air, holding each other. The storm inside my head began to retreat, and for the first time since I met Mike, my brain quieted.
I didn’t know how long we stood there. Eventually, he eased back, took my hand, and I let him. We were silent the whole way back to his house, Jojo leading me. There wasn’t anywhere I wouldn’t follow him—not now, not ever. The only time I felt like I really mattered was with him.
We went to his window. He let go of my hand, and I immediately missed the contact. We sneaked in. He locked the door. Wordlessly, we took off our shoes…our coats…held hands again. I felt small and weak, but it was okay to feel those things in front of Jojo. He would never judge me.
He led me to his bed, tugged the blanket back, lay down, and pulled me with him.
I went.
He snuggled close, and I held him, let him hold me. Maybe my thoughts tonight hadn’t made sense, but we made sense. Maybe I was bisexual, or maybe it was just him, just us, and some things were destined to happen and nothing could ever stop them.
We slept in his bed together all night.
When the sun rose, I kissed his temple, untangled myself from him, put my shoes and coat on, then sneaked back out the window so his dad wouldn’t see me.