Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 410(@200wpm)___ 328(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 410(@200wpm)___ 328(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
The question surprises me. I hesitate but shake my head. “No, he didn’t mention you.”
“Did you?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Right.” She turns her face away. “Okay. That’s what I figured.”
“Brice—”
“It’s fine. Really, it’s fine. I know how they feel about me, and I guess I was just making sure I wasn’t making a mistake, but they really don’t care, do they?”
“They’re your family.” I step closer to her. “They care.” Although we both know that might not be true.
She laughs softly and looks at me, blinking tears from her eyes. “Come on, Carmine. You think the world is a black hell-hole of despair and you’re really telling me you think my family cares about me? Do you know how many times I’ve heard from my uncles? My cousins? Exactly zero. None of them have checked in on me. None of them have wondered if I’m okay. Nothing. Total silence.”
“I don’t think the world is all darkness,” I say softly and she chews on her lip. That look on her face fucking kills me, like she’s trying to decide if she wants to scream or cry or maybe both. I move closer, wanting to touch her so badly, but there’s still an invisible wall between us. “I think we come from monsters. Your family, my family, they’re not so different. They only care about themselves and nothing else. At their core, they don’t really care what happens to anyone but themselves. They’ve been using us up for years and years, and you’re only just now starting to try to break free. The only reason I’m free is my father died. But that doesn’t mean the world’s all bad.”
“Yeah? Tell me what changed your mind.” She stares into my eyes and doesn’t back away when I stand close enough to smell her. I reach out and brush my knuckles along her cheek, and I move my fist back to grip her silky hair.
“You did,” I say. “You changed my mind. You and your friends and the way you all care about each other. But mostly you and your goodness. God, I’ve wanted to corrupt you all this time, but I think you made me better instead.”
“Carmine,” she says and gasps as I pull her tighter and press my body to hers. The tension is still there, thick and growing heavier, and I don’t understand it but it’s driving me wild. I need her to release this feeling, release it fucking now, and I’ll do anything to make us connect again. “I feel like I’m losing myself.”
“Your friends love you, filthy girl.” I touch her cheek with my other hand. “They’ll do anything for you and you know it. How can you say the world is all bad when you have that? And how can I say the world is all bad when you’re in it?”
“I thought my family was the only thing that really mattered,” she says and closes her eyes. “I thought everything else was second to that.”
“You were wrong.”
She nods slowly and opens her eyes, staring into mine. “You’re right. The world’s fucked up and dirty, and I’ve been rolling around in it this whole time without realizing. But you’re also right that there’s good in it too. You’ve been trying to protect me, haven’t you? Every time I’ve needed someone, you’ve been there.”
“I couldn’t come back because I was afraid I’d get you killed. I found out it was one of my capos that hired the hit on us, but I took care of him, and I realized something. I’ll never stamp out the darkness, but I can at least hold on to what’s good.”
“And I’m good?”
“You’re all that’s good in my life.”
“Kiss me before I cry again,” she whispers.
And I slam my lips to hers as the tension that’s been building and building finally snaps into an exquisite crescendo. Her mouth is so hungry and her lips are so soft and her body is so warm, and I can’t help but devour her because it’s true that she’s the only decent thing I’ve ever had.
For once, I want to cherish the light instead of trying to tarnish it.
For the first time ever, I want to raise myself up instead of trying to drag everything down around me.
I want to be worthy of her.
I pull her to the couch and press her against its back. She gasps as I lift her, sitting her down on the headrest, and she wraps her legs around me. I kiss her, nibbling her lips, and pull her hair until I’m licking her throat and neck and back to her mouth again tasting her tongue. I want to earn her and I want to keep her and I want to make her feel everything she deserves, all the pleasure she’s been missing for all these years. She moans into my mouth and I carry her around to the front of the couch and put her down into my lap. She moves her hips, writhing there, straddling me as I pull her tank top off and cup her beautiful breasts, her pink nipples so stiff and lovely, and I suck them and lick them and bite them before kissing her plump lips again.