Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 115833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 579(@200wpm)___ 463(@250wpm)___ 386(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 579(@200wpm)___ 463(@250wpm)___ 386(@300wpm)
Deke flinched this time and staggered backward like I’d slapped him. I felt horrible, but this was good. Now he’d know I wasn’t perfect, that I wasn’t the woman for him. He could let go. Move on . . . even if it hurt.
“Wow,” he said, so low it was more like he’d expelled a breath. “How long have you been keeping that bottled in?”
I swallowed salty snot and tears as I tore my eyes away. I couldn’t look at him. I’d only cry again. I was hurting him, I knew this, but I had to. He had to find someone else.
“You know what, Davina? One thing you said about me is true. I did have a point in my life where I treated women like objects. I made it into the league and became a man who gave zero fucks, because I didn’t have to! For once, it was my life and I was in control, so yes, I did whatever the hell I wanted, with whoever the hell I wanted, because I felt like it! But do you think that shit made me happy? Do you think I wanted to be with women whose names I couldn’t even remember the next morning? With women like Giselle, who don’t give a single fuck about me? Do you think I would be standing here right now explaining all of this to you if I was just some man who wanted to make a game out of catching a widow? Do you really think I’m that selfish—that petty?”
He took a step closer, and my pulse swam to my ears.
“Davina, I know you don’t want to hear me say this, but I love you, all right? And there’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind, because you’re speaking out of anger and hurt, and I know those feelings. I embodied those feelings for years. Angry all the time, pissed off at the world, wondering why it had to be my brother, wondering what the hell I did to deserve any of what I went through.”
“No,” I whimpered, backing away. “You don’t. You can’t love me.”
“Yes, I can,” he declared. “I fucking love you. Since the day I set foot in your office, way before I even noticed those rings on your finger, I took one look into your eyes, and you had me. I wanted something with you, and I didn’t care what it was. All I knew was that I could not let you get away from me. You could not leave my life.”
“Deke, please,” I cried, bowing my head. “Just stop talking, please.”
“No, because I want you to know it, Davina. I’m tired of hiding it.” He caught my hand and clasped it in his, trying to catch my eyes, too, but I wouldn’t look. I couldn’t look, or I’d break. “When you’re away from me, my heart bleeds, Davina. My chest hurts and I drown in my own misery every time I have to watch you walk away from me. I can’t think straight. I can’t sleep. I can barely eat. All those times before, I just let you go because I knew I couldn’t have you, or that you weren’t ready for it yet, but I can’t keep letting you slip away from me. I want you in ways I never thought possible, and I have never felt this way about a woman in my life. You might think I’m lying to you, but I would never lie about something like this.” He held on to my hand tighter, pressing my palm to his chest and sealing the gap between us. I could feel his heart beating hard, fast.
“I hear all these stories about how being in love makes you feel a different way. Being without that person makes you physically sick—makes you feel like you can’t do life without them—and I’m telling you, Davina. If you leave this house, if you walk out that door . . . I will be sick without you. You’re my cure, D. Regardless of what you’ve gone through or what I’ve been through, I have no doubt we’re in this house together and talking about this for a reason. You can’t stand here and tell me what we have isn’t real. Even the first letters of our names are a damn match. You’re my other half, and I feel that deep in my soul. And look, I know you made a lifelong promise to Lewis when you married him. I know, okay?”
I tried snatching my hands away when he said Lew’s name, but he held on tighter. I’d never heard Deke say it, and it struck a chord in me. God, it hurt so bad, and he kept holding on, kept talking, kept pleading with me.
“I get why you’re torn with your feelings and with what you want, but he’s gone now, baby. He’s gone, and I know that shit hurts. I know it cuts you up inside, like annoying little fucking paper cuts, but I’m here, Davina. I’m here right now, willing to wait, willing to be patient with you, to let you process it all and talk about it whenever you want to. I’m here. I’m giving my heart to you, and that can’t be for nothing. It just can’t, baby. So please, just this once, don’t walk away from me. Don’t leave, because if you go, you and I both know what that means.”