Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 45328 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 227(@200wpm)___ 181(@250wpm)___ 151(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 45328 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 227(@200wpm)___ 181(@250wpm)___ 151(@300wpm)
She’s the type that needs closure and all that other happy bullshit. Because I didn’t fall apart during the divorce, didn’t fight her, I knew it would bother the shit out of her.
Her over dramatic ass would’ve preferred that I beg her to stay. What she didn’t know was that her lack of trust in me, was the final nail in the coffin.
I’d never given her reason to doubt me. Never done anything remotely dishonest in our marriage. When I took my vows I meant every fucking word, obviously it was just a big fucking joke to her.
How else could she have made so light of it, of us? I’m sure she’d expected me to grovel at her feet. For her that would be me showing her that I loved her.
Too bad for her she’d missed all the clues while we were married. Every day I’d spent with her was showing my love. A love she hadn’t treasured enough to hold onto.
Each time I gave her the words, should’ve been proof. When I looked into her eyes while I was buried deep inside her and showed her my heart, that should’ve been proof.
It’s for all those reasons and more that I will never trust her again; can never trust her again. If she can’t see how or why I should feel this way, then she really is a ditz.
The thing is I think she did know at one time how much I loved her. I knew she was happy with me. A few short weeks before she pulled the runner she was smiling and joyful.
But something happened, I still have no idea what that something was. and I’d given up trying to figure it out long before I’d given up on my marriage.
She’d never told me where she got the idea that I was having an affair from. No name was ever revealed. Just an accusation, my denial and a ten million dollar divorce settlement.
I think I always knew deep down that we weren’t done with each other though. Nothing that volatile, that passionate can disappear that easily. Not without some major fireworks anyway.
And that’s what had been missing. She didn’t get the blow-ups and the fiery temper she’d been expecting.
She didn’t get me to order her to stay her ass where she was as I’d done countless times before. I didn’t threaten to tie her to my bed, or spank her ass.
In short, I didn’t fight for her or try to hold onto her after the last time I tried talking some sense into her and she refused to listen.
I let my anger get the better of me then. The fact that she had ran away from me without hearing my side had killed something inside me. Almost as much as being accused of adultery had.
That she could even entertain the idea that I would do such a thing after looking her in the face and telling her I loved her that very morning.
It was like spitting everything I am back in my face. It hadn’t mattered that I’d tried to be the kind of husband any woman would be happy to have. That I’d gone above and beyond always.
All that mattered was her pride and the falsehood she believed about the man she’d sworn to love. That last day I’d all but pleaded with her to listen.
I’d stopped short of begging and when I found myself way too close to doing that shit, that’s when I think something inside me laid down and died.
After that day, after much soul searching, I’d decided to let her go. She’d betrayed me and there was no forgiving that. Not for me anyway.
I know now that she hadn’t expected me to just walk away and not look back. I have no doubt that she’d expected me to come back for her, or at the very least contest the divorce. One last ditch effort to save the marriage she’d burned.
Instead I’d turned cold and shut her out completely. In the end I let my lawyers do the talking and had refused to even look at her that last day in her lawyer’s office.
I should’ve known that she being who she is would never let shit end on that note. I am also sure that if she’d loved me half as much as I’d loved her, she had to be missing our time together.
I’m pretty sure it was her pride that had kept her away this long, not that I’d sat around waiting for her to come to her senses.
When I said I was done I really was done. I had no idea in the beginning how hard it was going to be to move on from what we had though.
I thought for sure, even though I was in no rush, that when the time was right I’d find someone else. It didn’t take me long to realize that was a fucking lie.