Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 96742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 484(@200wpm)___ 387(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 484(@200wpm)___ 387(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
Her eyes widen. “Evander—”
“I know it isn’t what we discussed, but all the reasons I took you as a bride still apply. I need a partner, I need children—”
“Is that all?” she asks, some of her deflating. She steps back again, putting more distance between us, and I don’t know why.
“That’s everything. You and me—”
“You still want me as some trophy for the family. I’m just a symbol to you, like that ring. But you won’t even wear it.”
I feel this conversation spiraling from my control. I can’t express what I’m trying to say the right way—whenever I try to explain myself, it’s like the words tangle themselves in my throat.
“That’s not it,” I say, moving toward her. “It can be you and me.”
But she backs off toward the door.
“I’m just convenient, Evander. You only want me because I’m in your room. It’s easy for you to keep me as your wife.”
“There’s nothing easy about this.”
Her smile is sad. “Maybe that’s true. Maybe that’s another reason why we shouldn’t.”
“Camille. Asteraki mu.” I’ve never given a piece of myself to someone like that before. I’ve never told the true story of how and why I came to power. To see her standing there, staring at me like I’m a monster, it cuts into me like a scythe.
“I don’t think you really know what you want. We rushed into this because we were afraid, but is that a good reason to say it should be permanent? Just think about it, okay, Evander? Think about it and maybe I’ll think about it too.”
I feel myself deflate. The hope sucked from me. The belief that I could have something better, gone in a rush. I nod my head at her.
“If that’s what you want.”
Her smile is sad and longing, and I don’t chase her when she leaves.
Chapter 46
Camille
“It’s not me he wants, but a wife.” I lean against the wall behind the diner, the wall where Hector came and found me over a week ago now.
Phel smiles sadly. “Are you sure about that? He could’ve gotten a wife a long time ago if he really wanted. I mean, he’s good looking, has lots of money, and he’s a freaking Kazan. I bet there’s a line around the block with women that would die to get hitched to all that.”
“Then he should’ve chosen one of them.” I stare at the engagement ring. It looks so small and lost now that I’m not wearing the matched wedding band. I feel like I’m losing the thread of why we got involved together in the first place. “It wasn’t about me, it was just, let’s have babies, let’s show my family I’m serious, and now I’m afraid we rushed into it.”
Phel’s quiet for a moment. “Did you tell him all that?”
“I tried to, but he only glared and grunted at me.”
“That’s basically him trying to communicate, but he’s stuck in the Stone Age.”
I try not to laugh, but it’s hard to hold back when I feel like I’m jittery and on fire. “It’s like whenever the issue of feelings comes up, he just can’t say whatever he’s thinking.”
“Welcome to Greek men.” Phel rolls her eyes and leans forward to stare at Alonzo. My bodyguard’s lurking at the end of the alley out of earshot, but close enough that we’re not out of sight. “I bet that one’s the same way.”
“He’s fine,” I say, waving him off. “Nice enough anyway.”
“Look, hon, I don’t envy you, you know? The house is nice and all but I can’t imagine how complicated it’s got to be getting married to a freaking crime lord. But what can you do?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “You saw what happened the other week. I don’t exactly have much choice.”
She’s quiet for a long moment. Then, very softly, she says, “Why did you two get married to begin with? It feels pretty obvious that you weren’t in love when you chose to get hitched. Are you using him as much as he’s using you?”
I stiffen slightly. I haven’t come out and told her that our relationship is a fake, that’s it an arrangement. I’ve skirted the issue, hinted at it a few times, but now it feels like she’s finally putting it together.
I want to tell her the truth. It would feel so good to admit to someone, anyone at all, how freaking messed up my marriage to Evander really is, but that would be a betrayal of the promise I made to him.
Instead, I only shake my head. “I don’t even know anymore. It’s just that Christopher treated me like I was a thing he could use and abuse however he wanted, and I’m terrified that Evander’s going to start looking at me the same way.”
Which is true.
When he started talking about making our marriage real, I felt something deep inside my chest. It was like an ember, the beginning of a blaze. I wanted to let that fire roar, to finally release all the emotions I’ve been suppressing for a while now.