Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 94630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
“Jo, that can’t happen.”
She blinked a few times in quick succession. Maybe she hadn’t expected him to face it head-on. Couldn’t blame her when he’d been running from this conversation, from this moment for months. Maybe for years. He had to stop running long enough to let her go. To really let her go so she would realize he wasn’t for her.
“Why not?”
The fairy lights teased out the caramel streaks in the dark hair falling past her shoulders. Her posture, always so straight, bent toward him. Begging him to bend, too, like a displaced goddess asking a mere mortal for permission. For direction. He couldn’t stand it.
“I’d hurt you, Jo.” He swallowed, throat and mouth dry despite the wine he still tasted.
“You mean…sexually? Like you’re into kinky stuff?”
An ill-timed laugh slipped past his lips. With her flushed cheeks, licked-wet lips, and want-wide eyes, Jo looked like she might be up for that.
“No. Well, maybe sometimes, but that’s not what I meant.” He caressed the blade of his steak knife, contemplating how much he should say. “There is a lot you don’t know about me, Jo.”
“I know you.” She leaned her elbows on her knees, her face so earnest and sure. “I’ve known you over half our lives. We’ve known each other since we were little more than children.”
Cam hadn’t been a child by the time he’d met Jo. He’d mimicked innocence. He’d domesticated himself to fit in, but he had always known a full-grown beast lurked just beneath the surface. And lately, that beast had been scratching at the lining of his belly. Clawing to get out. Famished. Feral. Furious.
On a leash that kept slipping.
He had hoped to keep Jo. To have her on his terms. Friendship. Relegating her to the edges of his life. To a safe periphery, but she kept coming. Kept pushing. Kept loving him. He knew that. He could admit to himself that he knew. That it frightened and thrilled him equally.
He got up and walked over to the gazebo bench, squatting in front of her. Taking her hands between his. He looked into her watching, waiting eyes.
“Jo, you want something I can’t ever give you.”
Pain tweaked her features, making her mouth tremble and her eyebrows bunch up.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You son of a bitch. What the hell do you think you’ve been doing all these years?” Jo stood up, charging to the far side of the gazebo and swinging around to face him. “You think it didn’t hurt when you turned me down for the Sadie Hawkins dance? When you screwed one of my dorm mates? When I planned your wedding because I thought Kerris would make you happy?”
Cam had no words. It had all happened. It had all hurt. It was all true. He waited for more vitriol. More fire and fury, but like an invisible hand had swiped all the emotion from her face, Jo’s expression smoothed and hardened into a resin of resolve.
“You know what, you’re right.” She shook her head, hands retracted into tight fists at her side. “Get out of my life. We’ll do this exhibit and then have no contact. None whatsoever.”
He knew it was for the best, but having her evict him from her life stung like a wasp.
“And you know what I’m gonna do, Cam?” She held one finger in the air, a fake Eureka! all over her face. “I’m going to date Peter. I’m going to fuck Peter. I’m going to marry Peter. Would that make you happy?”
No. No. No.
Cam sprang to his feet, but stopped himself from walking to her. He just looked at her, allowing her the privilege of ripping more holes in him with her sharp words.
“But before you go, you’re going to do one thing for me.” The resolve slid around on her face for a moment before she locked it back into place. “You’re going to tell me something real.”
Something real might break him. The emotions, the urges, the desires under these protective layers would change everything. And if Jo scented any of it, she’d never let it go.
“Jo, I got nothing.”
“Well, let me tell you something real, you coward.” Jo’s words squeezed around his neck like a choking hand. “I would have done anything for you. I have done anything for you. I wanted you to be my first date. My first kiss. My first lover. And you could have been. We could have been, if you’d had the balls to take me. But you didn’t want me.”
“Jo, I’m sorry.”
“You know what I’m sorry about?” The anger in her voice slumped into a sob. A sniffle. A broken cry that wrecked her face. “I’m sorry I didn’t kick you out of my life sooner. I’m done with you. Done with this game you keep playing. You make me feel foolish. Like some idiot girl with a crush. I am not that girl. And you reduce me to that.”