Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 88057 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88057 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“I feel that.” Ambrose glanced over at me, and the sympathy in his gaze was far preferable to the earlier shock. He’d lost his dad early too. Maybe he’d understand what others seldom did.
“Seeing my mom go through that, being the one left behind…man, it was hard.” I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to keep my voice steady. “I decided then and there not to risk causing someone that kind of pain. Couldn’t head out on a mission knowing if I didn’t make it back…just couldn’t do it.”
“I get it.” A muscle worked in his jaw as he navigated around a line of slow-moving traffic. “I dealt with it by having a string of ill-advised boyfriends, which honestly wasn’t any better of a coping mechanism. But now you’re out of the military. Less danger. You could try. Explore.”
“You sound like Duncan.” I snorted. “And working security, there are still risks. Besides, old dog, new tricks, all that. Set in my ways. Maybe I was born without a romance gene.”
“Possibly.” Ambrose sounded like he’d be willing to debate that fact. “Or maybe you’re somewhere on the ace spectrum?”
“Could be, but I like sex fine.” Being dissected like this made me more eager to leave the LA suburbs in the rearview and switch drivers. Turning on his stereo would be rude, so I tried for a neutral tone. “Sex is good stress relief, yet when I’m not getting it, I don’t climb the walls like some dudes on deployments. It’s more the emotions, the attachment thing I’m not sure I’m wired for. Haven’t had many urges to couple up, even after really good sex.”
“Never had a crush?” Ambrose enjoyed peeking inside my brain a bit too much, but that was likely the hazard of hanging around with writer types. Anyone who could dream up characters as complex as Ambrose had created over the years would have to have amazing powers of observation.
“You looking to stick me in your next show pitch?” I laughed and shook my head. “I’ve had some…crushes, I guess you’d call them. Sex is sex, but being into someone is different. And also, timing matters. My crushes never worked out to be someone I was banging.”
“Oh, I have a long history of crushes on unattainable people,” Ambrose said airily. “But your thing sounds a little different. I bet you’re like…demiromantic.”
“Maybe. I’m not one to go hunting for a label for me.” I understood that labels could be helpful for someone with Ambrose’s precision when it came to language and communication. I’d always been way more about action than introspection. “Heck, I didn’t even realize pan applied to me until I saw an episode of your show.”
“Really? Which one?” Ambrose was all eager at the mention of Traveling. Finally clear of the worst LA traffic, he zoomed past exit signs for various desert communities. Watching him handle the Vette was relaxing, the way his arm flexed shifting gears, the way his eyes got all intense when he changed lanes, and the smooth way he handled curves. Made me both sleepy and more talkative.
“The episode at the end of season one where Bishop rants about ice cream flavors, and he explains how you can love multiple flavors, but you don’t have to enjoy them all in the same way.” My voice softened as I warmed to the topic. I’d never told anyone how moved I’d been by the scene where Bishop time-traveled to a fifties ice cream parlor and gave his traveling companion one hell of a lecture. Considering the number of times I’d watched the episode, I had plenty to say. “Like maybe you’re seventy percent a strawberry person, but then you also dig some rocky road and pistachio at other times. Or maybe you love chocolate in all its forms and vanilla, too, but only in a waffle cone. When Bishop explained that there are endless valid ways to be queer, it was like…oh.”
“That’s one of my favorite scenes in the whole show.” Ambrose smiled. The tenderness he used when he talked about the show did something to my insides. I liked how into his work he was. How he wasn’t afraid to show his emotions. “That episode won us a whole slew of awards, but it was the fan reaction that made me the happiest. I’m so glad it resonated with you.”
“Yeah. Before that, I would have said that I was a straight guy who occasionally enjoyed jerking off with other guys and watching some gay porn, but then the more I thought about Bishop, the more I could hear him saying, ‘That’s not so straight, bro.’ Sorry. That’s probably way TMI.” The back of my neck reached brick-oven heat levels. I hadn’t meant to spew all that, especially the bit about jerking off. Ambrose was so damn classy. He probably didn’t even call it that.