Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 71444 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 357(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 238(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71444 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 357(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 238(@300wpm)
I gaze at my son and know I could never do the same.
Ethan stirs, letting out a hungry cry and my boobs react immediately. I swipe a towel from the bed to dry myself before I take him into my arms. We settle together, and he latches on quickly. James, who’s washed the sand from himself, also towels himself dry, watching Ethan nurse noisily. “That’s my boy,” he says with a grin.
“He definitely gets his boob fixation from you,” I laugh.
“He better save me some.” His eyelids go heavy, thinking about what we’ll get up to later. I love how into my body he is and how much he takes comfort in our closeness. By day, he’s such a large and intense presence, filled with vibrance and fun. By night, he’s a pussycat who revels in the sweetest touches.
There’s a doctor in town who has been treating him with talking therapy and medication. James was as worried about taking it as he was about the risk of not keeping balanced. The therapy is hard going, but he’s getting things off his chest in a way he’s comfortable with. I asked if he wanted to talk to me about his past, but he said no, and I understood why. He doesn’t want me to be sorry for him. He doesn’t want to change how I view him. There’s a lot of risk in sharing deep trauma with other people, and I’m just glad he has a professional to unburden himself with. If offering him physical and emotional comfort is all I can do for him, I’m happy because I know how important it is. What I give him, he gives back to our son, and the negative cycle stops with us.
“You okay here?” Colton asks.
“Sure. He’ll be feeding for twenty minutes or so.”
“Okay.” Turning to James, he tips his head in the direction of the ocean. “You ready for a dip?”
In the blink of an eye, James makes for the shore at a sprint, throwing up sand in his wake. Colton isn’t far behind, and then Connor breaks into a run, and I laugh as they splash their way into the breaking water, disappearing beneath the waves before emerging and shaking droplets from their hair like dogs.
I laugh, glancing down at our son, who has one eye focused on me as he suckles. His hand is balled into a fist, ready to thwack me when the flow isn’t fast enough. He’s seriously demanding. “Your daddies are crazy,” I smile. “Crazy perfect.”
There was a time when I felt so alone in the world and struggled to find my purpose. Living in a shitty one-room apartment and working a job I hated was a soulless, sad existence I was desperate to escape from. I never imagined that in my lowest moment, I’d find three unlikely men to steal my heart, or that once they clasped it in the palms of their hands, they’d treat it like the greatest treasure.
As I watch them splash each other like kids, experiencing the beach for the first time, I’m overwhelmed with happiness for them.
They’ve turned a corner and left behind all the wrong they did and the wrong that was done to them. We can’t change where we’ve come from, but we’re changing where we’re going and I’m deeply content about the future we have planned.
Three dangerous criminals have proven to be my saviors, and I am theirs.
And, I wouldn’t have it any other way.