Total pages in book: 23
Estimated words: 21547 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 108(@200wpm)___ 86(@250wpm)___ 72(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21547 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 108(@200wpm)___ 86(@250wpm)___ 72(@300wpm)
I stop because I want to vomit over the words that I know I need to say. The only way she’ll walk away from me now is if I hurt her. Otherwise, she’d stay with me forever. She’d live to regret it and resent me, and that’s the last thing I want for her. So even though I don’t want to hurt her, I know I need to.
She has her hand on the side of the bed. Her engagement ring is still sitting pretty on her finger, and just seeing it there is a kick in the gut because it represents everything I had with her and what is no longer mine.
“What are you saying, Ethan?”
Finally, I lift my eyes to hers. “I’m saying that this thing between us is over. I need to focus on me and get better.”
She grips the railing. “And you think I’d stop that from happening? I want the same thing, Ethan. All I want is for you to be okay—”
I interrupt her and raise my voice. “Don’t you get it? I’ll never be okay, but that’s not the point. I don’t want to marry you, Nicole.”
I thought I could do it, but when pain slices across her face, I look away and force myself to continue. “I want to work on getting better. I’m not ready to settle down with one woman. If nothing else, this has taught me that I need to live each day to the fullest... and I can’t do that with you.”
The tears are rolling freely down her face now, and she’s wiping them as fast as they come. “I don’t understand.”
Fuck, I hate myself right now. I turn my head and look directly at her. “I don’t want you here, Nicole. Leave.”
She stares back at me, stunned, before turning and running out of the room. As soon as the door shuts behind her, I start to cry. I haven’t let myself before now, but there’s no holding it back.
And when my older brother walks into the room, I don’t even try to hide the fact I’ve been crying. He’s shaking his head at me, and I know he’s going to let me hear it. “Did you really have to do that? She loves you, Ethan.”
I take a deep breath and level him with a stare. “Yeah, and I love her.”
He throws one hand up in the air. “And so what? You push her away? Hurt her?”
There’s a pain shooting in my chest, and if I didn’t already know it’s from my heart breaking in two, I’d swear I was having a heart attack. “She deserves more than me and what I can give her.”
Bobby’s face reflects exactly how I feel. “Are you telling me that there’s another man out there that can love her as much as you do? I’ve seen you two together, Ethan. You were happy, in love, fuck, y’all are soul mates. Don’t do this... not like this.”
I lean my head back on the pillow. “It’s done, Bobby. She’s free. She deserves the life she wants.”
Bobby must hit the end of the bed because it shakes under me. “You fucking idiot. She wants you.”
I clench my eyes at the thought. “She’ll find someone else.”
Bobby starts to speak, but I hold my hand up. “Let me rest. I need to focus on getting out of here.”
The next sound I hear is the door shutting behind him.
I know I’ll probably regret this... fuck, I already do. But I have to keep reminding myself that this is what’s best for Nikki. She may not realize it now, but later she’ll be happy and relieved that this happened this way. She’ll be able to get married to a man that doesn’t look like a monster. She’ll have babies that aren’t afraid of the way their own father looks. She’ll have it all... without me.
Chapter 4
Nikki
One Year Later
“Well, well, well,” my friend Lila says as I walk into work. I know she’s surprised to see me with a smile on my face, and I’ve tried to tone it down, but I can’t. I think I finally have it figured out, and I broke the speed limit to get to work today and talk to her about it.
My smile gets even bigger. “I know, right! Oh my God, Lila, I’m so excited.”
She’s smiling back at me because how could she not? I started this job right after everything with Ethan ended. For a year now, I’ve been a shell of the person I once was. I know my family has been at their wits’ end with me, and the people at work have been understanding, but obviously no one wants to be around someone that’s down all the time. Lila, who is a nurse here at the hospital, befriended me my first week here, and we’ve been great friends ever since.