Total pages in book: 23
Estimated words: 21547 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 108(@200wpm)___ 86(@250wpm)___ 72(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21547 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 108(@200wpm)___ 86(@250wpm)___ 72(@300wpm)
“Hey.”
I spin around when I hear Ethan’s voice. I was so caught up in the pictures, I didn’t even hear him come in. I hold my hand up, gesturing to the wall. “Why... I mean how did you get these?”
He crosses his arms over his chest and shrugs. “I couldn’t completely let you go.”
I shake my head, not understanding. “So what? You take these pictures and hang them on the wall like some kind of shrine to me or something?”
His jaw tightens, but he doesn’t answer. That’s not going to cut it for me. I grab two pictures off the wall and hold them out to him. “Look at these, Ethan. Really look at them.”
He’s looking at the picture I grabbed of the two of us. “I have.”
I shake the frames at him. “No, look at me in this one with you... and then look at the one without you. Hell, you have a whole wall of them. Look at me since you pushed me away. Can you see the difference?”
He blinks, but he doesn’t seem surprised at what I’m saying. He pushes his hand through his hair and sighs. “I know.”
I rear back. “You know? So you can see what you pushing me away did to me? And what? You liked seeing me like this? Did this get you off, knowing I was miserable without you?”
He shakes his head. “No, of course not.”
I toss the frames onto the desk, and they clatter against each other. “Then what is it, Ethan? Because I don’t understand.”
He leans his head back and blows out a breath before looking at me. His gaze is intense, and there’s so much sorrow in it I can feel the pain shooting in my chest. He grabs the hem of his shirt up and off his body. He drops the Henley-style shirt to the ground before reaching into his pocket. He pulls his hair back and wraps a tie around his hair, and for the first time, I can see the damaged skin of his arm, neck, and face.
I take a step toward him with a hand held up. “Ethan...”
He takes a step back. “No, I need to get this out, Nikki.”
I stop in my tracks, trying to hide the hurt of his refusal. I don’t know why it hurts. I should be used to it by now.
He looks me in the eye. “I don’t like seeing you sad. This last year has been hell for the both of us. At first, I convinced myself that I was imagining the sadness in you. I kept thinking that if I gave you long enough, you’d move on and you’d be happy... without me.”
I bring my hand up to my chest, right over my heart. “Is that what you want? You want me to move on?”
He takes a step forward, and I hold completely still, hoping not to cause him to draw back. “I want you happy.”
“You fool. You make me happy.”
He flips on the light in the office. It wasn’t dark in here in the first place, and I could see him plainly, but I guess he wants to make sure I get a good look. “Look at me. You want to go to sleep with this next to you each night? You want to wake up to this? Fuck, Nikki, you want me to be a dad to your kids?” He’s spitting out the words in disgust. “Hell, I’ll probably scare them to death.”
I take my time and search his face. It’s obvious what he wants me to do. He thinks I’m going to be repulsed by it, but all I can manage is a deep mourning for everything he’s given up this last year because he thought I couldn’t look past it. He thinks it’s horrific, but it’s not. Yes, he looks different, but he’s still the same man I fell in love with.
I take a step forward and put my hand on the marred skin of his arm. My touch is feather light. “Can I ask you something, Ethan?”
He grits his teeth. “Yes.”
I look up at him, wanting to know the truth. “If it was me...”
He shakes his head and grabs on to my forearms. “Don’t say it, Nikki. Don’t even finish that sentence.”
I put my hands at his waist. “No, hear me out. If it was me that was hurt, and I had scars, would you not want to be with me anymore?”
He reaches his hand up and brushes it across my cheek. “You know I would want to be with you. I’d want to take care of you. It doesn’t matter to me what you look like.”
I look down at my body and back at him. “Really? I’ve gained over thirty pounds since you ended our engagement. I’ve been called chubby, fat ass, all of it. Does the way my body’s changed make you feel different about me?”