Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 149606 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 748(@200wpm)___ 598(@250wpm)___ 499(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149606 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 748(@200wpm)___ 598(@250wpm)___ 499(@300wpm)
We kiss hungrily. His tongue meets mine, and his finger slowly slides inside me.
Gasping at the unexpected quick stab of pain, I arch my back into the mattress.
Immediately he jerks away, lifting his weight off me and pulling his hand from between my thighs.
“I’m sorry,” he says in an agonized voice. He kisses my forehead fervently. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
His brow creases with concern, and he looks completely devastated.
I squeeze his shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m okay. It just hurt for a second.”
“It feels too soon,” he says quietly. “You’re still so frail. Your body is still fragile, I can feel you shaking. And it’s been a long time since…” He inhales a deep breath. Since we’ve had sex, obviously. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I’m not sure when the room became so dark, but I’m grateful for the cloak it provides, because I don’t want to see his face right now, and I don’t want him to see mine.
Touching my chin, he turns my head toward him. “Baby, talk to me.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I swallow over the lump lodged in my throat. “You don’t want me.”
“Are you nuts? Em, believe me, I want you. I’m fuckin’ crazy for you. It just doesn’t feel right, right now. I’m afraid I’m gonna hurt you. Your body’s been through a lot.”
He closes his eyes and shakes his head as I crumble inside.
“Shit. That didn’t come out right at all,” he says, pulling me against his chest. “You feel so delicate to me, and I’m petrified of hurting you or doing something wrong.”
“You’re not going to break me, Asher.”
“I know… I’m just so scared of something happening to you.”
He’s so, so sweet. In fact, he’s probably the sweetest man in the whole universe, and I know how lucky I am to have him.
But that sweetness is breaking me right now.
An uncomfortable silence stretches between us as we lie naked together with the uncertainty of what to do next.
“Nothing’s going to happen to me,” I assure him. “I’m totally fine.”
I move my hand to the back of his neck and guide his lips back to mine, hoping the rest of him will follow, but he keeps the distance between us.
“I don’t want to stop,” I say softly, sliding my hand down to the muscular plane of his hip.
“I don’t want to either.” He leans his forehead against mine and closes his eyes, and I can feel the torment brewing in him. “But we should.” He grabs my hand from his hip and brings it to his lips, kissing my palm. “I can’t hurt you. We’ll try again when you’re stronger.”
“Ash—”
“Em, I’m way too worried about hurting you. You feel so tiny. I can’t. Please, let’s wait for the right time.”
My lower lip trembles at the rejection.
In his eyes, I’m a fragile little bird that could disintegrate or fall out of the nest and shatter at any second. Not a strong, sexy woman he can make love to for hours with no inhibitions and break furniture with when the bedroom is just too far away.
Yes, Ember. I read about your coffee table shenanigans in your journal.
Lifting his arm from around my waist, I sit up and put my T-shirt on.
“I think I want to go sleep in my room tonight,” I say.
“This is your room.” His voice is thick with dejection, and it makes my heart feel heavy, as if it will just completely sink out of my body into a black puddle.
“I kinda just want to read and be alone.”
“Don’t leave, babe. We can snuggle and watch a movie in bed. Teddy can sit up here with us.” He moves my hair away from my face to see my eyes. “Sex isn’t important to me, Em. That’ll come when it’s right. What’s important to me is that you’re okay, and we’re together.”
I nod and fight back the tears coming on. I want to believe his words and his endless hope, but it’s so hard to. “I know. I’d just rather be alone tonight.” I lean over and kiss his cheek before slipping my panties back on and leaving the room with Teddy on my heels.
Hiding in the guest room, I sit on the floor with Teddy and idly run my fingers through his soft fur as I try to sort out my thoughts. I feel completely rejected and confused.
Did the sight of my naked body and protruding bones turn him off?
Or is he honestly just scared of hurting me somehow?
Probably both.
He hates when I retreat back to this guest room, so I’m sure he’s just as upset as I am right now, which isn’t making me feel any better. But what am I supposed to say or do?
I should’ve stayed with him instead of walking away. I wonder if I did that in the past when we had a disagreement? Did I need time alone to get my head together?