Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 64929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
I wasn’t sure if one gender was actually easier to deal with than the other. “I don’t know… They’ve both been hard. Girls are hard to read, but guys expect you to know exactly what you want.” Shrugging, I looked out the side window. “When you don’t really know, that seems to piss some of them off.”
Owen paused then arched a brow. “My, my, big brother. You’re playing for both teams now? Or are you just experimenting? Seems like there are a lot of things you’re willing to try these days.”
I couldn’t tell if he was teasing me or making fun of me.
Owen liked guys though, so he was probably just teasing… Right?
“Um, I don’t like the phrase experimenting. It sounds like I’m a lab rat or monkey or something. I guess I’m just trying to figure things out.” Owen looked back at the windshield. The almost sarcastic expression on his face was gone, so I kept going, “Dating girls is only okay, so I thought that might mean I was gay, but that didn’t go much better. So I’m not sure now.”
“Hmm.” Owen didn’t look at me. I could see the reflection of his face, though, and he wasn’t grinning anymore. It wasn’t until he looked back at me that the smirk was firmly planted back on his lips, and it made me wonder why he thought he had to do that.
“Bisexuality, pansexuality, and all the other -ities are all there to make it so we don’t really have to decide one way or the other,” he pointed out, shrugging. “Well, all the -ties except titties, which I’m not even remotely interested in.”
I’d never given the other descriptions much thought. Maybe I should have. Maybe that would have helped me to understand why all I could think about was whether I was going to get a good night kiss from my brother.
“I’m not sure I need more research right now. I kind of have my hands full.” His grin widened, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I hadn’t been trying to be funny. Figuring out all the puppy play stuff and everything I was feeling when I looked at him was hard enough.
I shrugged, not sure what to say. Did he think I was ridiculous? “Well, at least you don’t have far to go,” he drawled. At first, I thought he meant the house we were pulling up to, but he went on, “We’re already… researching puppy play. No reason not to ‘research,’” he made air quotes with his fingers, “a few other things while we’re at it.”
It was like we weren’t brothers. How did he see me? As a brother? It should’ve been obvious, considering the way he always acted like he resented me. And yet… that comment was not one I’d have expected from my sibling.
Was it weird that it got the butterflies going again? “You’d help me figure out what… what felt right? I mean, the puppy stuff is one thing, but that…”
Did he really understand what he was offering? I wasn’t sure if being even more honest was the best way to go or not, but I had a feeling that if I offered anything less, I’d miss my chance — though what chance that was, I wasn’t sure.
“I liked kissing a guy I dated.” That wasn’t hard.
Owen gave me a side glance then went back to focusing on the road.
“He wanted me to… well, top him, but that just seemed… wrong. I just don’t know why.” Explaining it made me sound weird, even I could see that. The internet said you didn’t have to do anal stuff even if you were gay, but I wasn’t so sure what my reactions meant.
“Sure, I can help,” he said. “It’s not like I don’t have plenty of experience,” he pointed out, but instead of the dry humor I’d expected, there was a slight hesitation to his words. “I can be your teacher.”
What was I supposed to make of that? What was he making of that? I didn't want to be alone forever. Watching everyone pair up and knowing that even if I tried, it wouldn’t feel right was hard. Pushing aside everything about who he really was to me and just focusing on the rest, I still wasn’t sure.
“What if I’m… What if I’m just not… What if it’s…” I wasn’t even sure how to put all the things that were running through my head into words. Trying to simplify things, I took a deep breath. “I don’t even know how to start.”
“It’d be boring if you did,” Owen pointed out as the car came to a stop in our driveway. “You still have time, Adri. We both do. May as well enjoy the journey.” He made it sound so easy when it was anything but. I wasn’t sure I knew how to just enjoy it, how to let go like he seemed to be able to do. I always felt like I was limited by how I was supposed to act. Even the idea of stepping out of that was terrifying.