Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 186555 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 933(@200wpm)___ 746(@250wpm)___ 622(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186555 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 933(@200wpm)___ 746(@250wpm)___ 622(@300wpm)
A big, big hand swept over half of my face before doing the same to the other side, and in the time it took me to realize what he was doing, I was up again, his arms around me once more. Then I was on top of him, seated across his thighs with my shoulder to his chest, and it was me that pressed my face to his throat as another shiver ran through me.
“I was so scared, Rhodes,” I whispered into his skin as his arm curled low around my back.
“You’re okay now,” he said hoarsely.
“All I could think about, when I could, was that I had so much still left to live for. There’s so much I want to do, and I know it’s dumb. I know I’m fine. I know the worst that could have happened was that I’d have to hide under a tree with my tarp and an emergency blanket to rest for a while, but then I pictured myself falling down and getting hurt and no one knowing where I was, or not being able to help me, and I was alone. And why did I go alone? What the hell do I have to prove to anybody? My mom wouldn’t have wanted me to feel like that, right?”
He shook his head against me, and I buried my face even deeper into the softest skin of his throat.
“I’m sorry. I know I stink and I’m sticky and gross, but I was so happy to see you. And I’m so glad you went. Otherwise….” I sniffled, and a couple more tears spilled between us. I could feel them stream between my cheeks and his skin.
Rhodes hugged me even closer to him, and his voice was steady when he said, “You’re fine. You’re totally fine, angel face. Nothing’s going to happen. I’m here, and Am is next door, and you’re not alone. Not anymore. It’s all right. Take a breather.”
I took the deep breath he’d mentioned and then took another one. I wasn’t alone. I was out of there. And I was never going hiking again… though I might change my mind eventually, but that was beside the point. My shoulders slowly loosened, and I felt my stomach begin to unclench; I hadn’t even realized I was sucking it in.
The hand on my back stroked my side down to my hip, and Rhodes kept on holding me.
Digging deep into my gut, I said, “I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”
“I’m probably overreacting—”
He petted me again. “You’re not.”
“It feels that way though. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that scared, and it really just got under my skin.”
“Most people are scared of dying. There’s nothing wrong about it.”
“Are you?” I pressed my forehead closer to the warm, smooth skin of his throat.
“I think I’m more scared of the people I care about dying than I am of myself.”
“Oh,” I said.
Rhodes’s sigh was soft. “I’m a little scared of not doing all the things I want to do, I guess.”
“Like what?” I asked him, my forehead still to his neck. I could feel the steady beat of his heart, and it soothed me.
“Well, seeing Am grow up.”
I nodded.
His palm settled on top of my thigh. “I hadn’t thought about it in a long time, and I don’t think I have too much time left, but I think I’d like to have another kid.” His chest rose and fell against me. “Not I think. I’m sure.”
Something inside of me stilled. “You would?”
He nodded, the bristles of facial hair tickling my skin. “Yeah. I told you how much I regret all the things I missed with Am. I like kids. I just wasn’t sure I ever would be able to have one in the first place, but back then I didn’t think I’d be back in Colorado, not in the Navy, not….”
“Not what?” I asked him, holding my breath.
The hand on my thigh slid up to my hip, lingering there. “Not… here. “
I didn’t know what he meant. Or maybe I was just too tired to think about it too much because I nodded like I understood when I didn’t, feeling a small pang in my chest at the idea of him wanting another child, considering how that child would need to be conceived…. How he would need a woman in his life to have one because Amos’s mom couldn’t have another. I asked, “What would you want? If you could choose. Another boy or a girl?”
The arms around me tightened just a little. “I’d be grateful for either.” His breath drifted over my cheek, and I realized then just how much I liked his voice. The steady roughness of it. It was such a treat to my ears. “But I only have brothers, and I only have nephews, so maybe a girl would be kind of fun. Break the cycle.”