Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 81279 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81279 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Just thinking about it makes my chest ache, but I’ve made my bed, and now I’ll need to lie in it.
“Morning,” he says even though it’s almost noon. To be fair, we did stay up late.
I want to touch him so badly, but now I don’t know how to do that through the invisible wall that’s grown between us overnight. There are so many things I want to tell him, but while I might not have much relationship experience, I’m not naive enough to think apologizing would make it all fine.
He hurt my feelings and fucked with a family tradition that I intended to bring back, but I’m the one who really crossed the line when I started choking him.
Maybe I’m more fucked up than I thought?
Maybe that is the true reason why I never connected with any guy, not my profession?
Excuses gather at the back of my throat, but deep down I know he’d see them as empty, and it leaves me so lost that I just make a broad gesture toward the windows and mumble, “We’re snowed in.”
Life comes back into his eyes as he looks out at the pristine pillows of snow reflecting sunshine. “What? No… We can’t go?” The disappointment on his face is so visceral it cuts me.
I’d give him anything, but I physically can’t move tons of snow from the forest road. Not without a snow plow.
“I called a service, but we’re not a priority,” I tell him, bracing myself against the kitchen island. The hot coffee, my second today, steams up my chin. It’s hot, and bitter, and right now I hate its very existence.
His shoulders sag, and he presses his ass against the back of the sofa. “I just…” He takes a deep breath and rubs his eyes. “I just wanted it so much, you know?”
I do. Just like I wanted a nice evening in. But maybe I don’t deserve nice things.
“Coffee? Food?” I ask, not yet ready to talk about the elephant in the room, and it seems neither is he. Great. If only we could forget what happened and move on.
For the first time this morning he meets my eyes, and I can’t miss the fact that his lips are trembling. “I don’t know. It feels like this revenge is my only purpose now, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to do anything else in the meanwhile. I quit my job, I moved, I don’t plan beyond tomorrow, and you’re the only stable thing in my life.”
I know this wasn’t meant to sting, but it does, because he deserves so much better, yet I still want to keep him. “I’m sorry,” I mumble, hanging my head. “We should have just stayed in town. It would have been easier.”
That would have kept us from enjoying this cozy cabin, but I’m sure that’s the last thing he would call it after last night.
He shakes his head. “This makes more sense, it’s completely secluded. I’m sorry for yesterday too. Everything feels so meaningless when those two fuckers are still out there, alive and unaware of what’s coming for them. I don’t want you to feel neglected, but I’m not used to living my life this way.”
Oh, he’s trying. Of course he is. He needs me to go through with his plans. It’s tempting to just go with this narrative, but I can’t, because I want this to be real, not just a tit for tat. Sighing, I leave the coffee cup and walk around the kitchen island. It pains me to see that he stiffens as I approach.
It’s my own damn fault.
“I fucked up. Not with the cookies, that was nice. But I—you know,” I finish lamely as I stop next to him. I’m usually so confident and find it easy to be charming. But what’s between us isn’t superficial, and that makes me more nervous than lying ever did.
Rowan swallows, and it seems that his dark eyes can see parts of me even I don’t realize I have. He grabs my hand and my heart speeds up when he leads it to his neck.
He makes me close it around his throat, so soft, gentle, and so easy to break. His eyes are filled with new determination, even if they’re bloodshot.
“If you own me, take care of me. Don’t ruin what’s yours.”
The world disappears, and all I can see are his beautiful, deep eyes, begging for me to love him. I start nodding, and then he’s in my arms, and I cradle him against my chest. “I’m sorry. I just… I’m not used to this. I won’t hurt you.”
He melts into me, filling me with such relief I can hardly breathe. Rowan’s arms snake around me, and he squeezes the back of my sweater in his fists. He’s so much stronger than I ever imagined. I might be the killer he needs, but he’s the one who has me by the balls, because I’ll do anything not to lose him.