Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 64359 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 215(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64359 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 215(@300wpm)
This plan is working — and the money in my account is proof of that. I’ve sold myself twice already. I have two other active listings with good bids on them. Time for another.
I start a new listing immediately, this time using a different set of photos with a new blurb.
The last ad was for a sex kitten. This one is for a wife and helpmate. I’ve edited the photo to represent me as a domestic type. I look like I’m baking bread, which is good because bread is popular throughout most of the universe. They say you shouldn’t feed it to aquatic avian aliens, but they love it more than anybody else.
Can till soil of any hardness or consistency, I write in my description. Or you could plough my field.
I start uploading pictures of myself in overalls. You might think that the aliens would get suspicious that there are so many human females of the same age, height, build, and general appearance being sold in quick succession, but at this point, most humans look the same to aliens. We even look about the same to one another. We mostly have brown hair, brown eyes, and rounded faces with a sort of guileless expression. Human evolution converged at a certain point, mostly because our population was forced through a bottleneck in which the vast majority of humans perished. The mass near-extinction was argued against viciously while it was happening. Some said it was an environmental crisis, but others said that was stupid and all we had to do was get outside the environment.
It turned out that, while everyone was arguing about how they probably weren’t actually dying, while definitely they actually were all dying, a ship of thirteen interstellar explorers was launched by a private, eccentric billionaire. He was not getting nearly the amount of attention he wanted to get on Earth. The thirteen explorers’ mission? To go tell aliens on other planets how cool and smart he was.
All humans today are descended from the crew of that ship. That means we’re always on the verge of some very spicy inbreeding. And that’s where alien mates come in.
Without being overly crude about it, humans are sort of the universal fuck receptacles. We are made for sex. We are capable of copulating with over a hundred and one other species as officially documented at last count in Sasha Amore’s nearly comprehensive 101 Alien Cocks and how to take them, a guide to surviving a cold, unfeeling universe through rampant copulation.
It’s a long title, but it’s great bedside reading. And it gave me the idea for what I’m doing now.
See, most aliens need a female of their own species in order to mate in a satisfying way, but we human females, being so soft and adaptive and stretchy in various ways make for excellent bedroom companions. That’s what I have to trade on, and that is what I am going to keep trading on until I have enough money to get out of this hellhole and get back to inhabited space.
The music I didn’t notice in the background changes. It goes from a sort of pleasant general melody to a dark, percussive beat. At almost the same time, the saloon-style doors swing open. They’re not made like saloon doors, but that’s how the alien who comes through them opens them, like he’s the bad guy in an ancient western.
Screeeeeee….. BAM!
Valkers know how to make an entrance. This one is dressed from head to toe in slick-black armor, the kind that develops protective scaling if you need it and shows off your musculature the rest of the time. He has long, dark hair sweeping back from a pronounced widow’s peak, and an aura of darkness around him that makes the shadows fall more intensely wherever he goes. His face is pale, almost gray with dark blue hues in the hollows of his cheeks and eyes. He has very high cheekbones and a powerful jaw. When his mouth parts even slightly, two fangs are visible set in a mouth of razor-sharp teeth.
Humans call these aliens vampires for obvious reason. I suspect valkers were visiting Earth for centuries before we worked out that they weren’t from our world. That happened a lot with a lot of different alien visitors. We used to mistake them for supernatural creatures all the time, never suspecting they were just idiots from other galaxies. Humanity took a really long time to catch onto the existence of other sentient species. If you read the histories, it’s endless reports of aliens and then most people ignoring them because they thought they had better things to think about.
My species is known throughout the settled universe for its odd collective decision making. We developed space flight and then more or less forgot about it in favor of fighting resource wars. Anyway. My brain digresses. My first buyer is an alien of the kind that has been terrorizing my species for years. He probably purchased me because wants to drain my blood. That would be an expensive drink, but he looks rich. Very rich, actually. He is wearing a circlet on his head, a sort of royal insignia woven in white gold.