Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 89145 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89145 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 446(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Was that a threat or a promise?
Fuck me, I didn’t know what to say. Or to think. I scrubbed a hand over my mouth and started bouncing my knee, and a whole new world opened up before my eyes. One I’d never asked for. More family? Being a part of Finn’s family?
I was trying to get away from the lies, not create a new mountain of them. Fuck, imagine telling my mom about this…? Hey, Ma, we’re invited to cousin Finn’s house for a barbecue! Shite. She’d have a stroke. So, what, I’d have to lie to her and split my life in two again? Which had already exhausted me once. I wasn’t looking to do it again.
At the same time, a part of me wanted this. I couldn’t deny that there was a kid buried deep inside me who’d wondered, for so many years, what it would be like to be accepted by the family who’d once spent money to keep me hidden. I mean, that’s what John had done. Not Finnegan. Not Liam. So I’d watched them from afar. Growing up, going to church, sitting with Ma in the back, I’d seen the O’Sheas and occasionally the Murrays. I’d picked up gossip and stories. At some point, Finnegan and his brother had been shipped off to boarding school in England or something. Many of the higher-ups in the Sons had attended the same school. I’d heard about the charity work the women organized, Grace at the forefront.
As a young child, I’d seen these well-dressed men and women—the ones my mother had avoided. The ones she’d taken a detour with me to not get close to. And I’d seen their children running around after the service.
As a teenager, I’d observed the joking, the hell-raising, and the start of a new generation’s problems. I’d seen a mother catch her son smoking a cigarette behind the church one Easter.
As a grown man, I’d done Ma a favor once, and I’d dropped off clothes for the next coat drive, only to arrive at the memorial for one Patrick O’Shea. Finn’s brother had been murdered somewhere in Europe, and he’d been buried in Ireland. But Father O’Malley, the man who’d baptized me, had hosted a memorial service for Patrick at our local church.
And I’d always wondered… Beneath the layers of contempt and envy… What it would be like to be included in their big family.
Despite the silence stretching on, both Finn and Kellan were watching me, waiting for a response. They weren’t the type of men who’d give me a break by saying I could think things over. They wanted my thoughts on the matter, and I was gearing up to admit—fuck, something…when I heard a series of rapid knocks on the door. Quickly followed by someone tugging on the door handle.
“Daddy, open up! It’s us!”
Holy shit, it was Ellie.
“Trip forgotted his swim goggles!”
“It’s forgot, not forgotted, dummy.”
“Hey, be nice to your sister, Trip.”
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I shot right up automatically, and I cleared my throat and ran a hand through my hair. Shit, shit, what was I gonna do? I couldn’t very well ignore—wait. Why did I care, again?
“Daddyyyy!”
Right.
Deep breaths.
I rubbed at my chest and excused myself for a moment, and then I stalked out of the living room and out into the hallway, where I came to an abrupt stop in front of the mirror. Fuck me, I guessed we were just revealing fucking everything today, huh?
I didn’t have to care. But I did. It was going to take a while to get used to showing this side of me that I’d suppressed for too long. Also, fuck West for doing this. He could’ve bought Trip a new pair of goggles, but no, now he had to push shit.
Shirtless and with two mobsters sitting on my couch, I unlocked the door and opened it to reveal my kids and my ex-husband.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hi, Daddy!” Ellie rushed forward and threw her arms around my middle, and Trip slipped by and darted up the stairs. “Eeep! Sweaty!”
Meanwhile, I got stuck on West. And his stare. His surprise. His utter fucking dumbfounded…ness. Was that a word? Dumbfoundity?
He broke the stare first. Dropped it to my chest. He couldn’t hide his shock, but he sure tried. His jaw ticked with tension, and I knew I’d pissed him off somehow.
I don’t care, I don’t care, I’m pretending I don’t care, fuck you for not loving me back anymore, I don’t care.
“Hey, honey.” I kissed the top of Ellie’s head. “I guess youse’re off to a water park?”
“No, just the pool at home, but Trip needs his goggles,” she replied frankly and passed me. “Oh! Um, hi. Who are you? Who are they, Daddy?”
Fuck, shit, all right. Rolling with the punches.
I ran a hand through my hair, and I almost lost my shit. My brain was suddenly screaming at me. Why did West come, what do I tell Finn and Kellan, how do I respond, how will this affect my parenting relationship with West, how much can I divulge, what have I signed up for, what do I really want—