Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 99381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
“Fucking hell, man, put on some clothes,” Hawke says, rubbing his eyes, then peering over my shoulder as I close the door. He smirks mischievously. “Who is it?”
“No one.” The lie feels natural coming from my lips. No one needs to know about Billie and me. We fucked up a few times already, and I’m not going to let it happen again.
“No one. But she’s asleep in there, I take it?” He whistles. “You let a woman sleep over? In your bed?” He raises a brow and continues, “Does it have something to do with the message carved into your lawn?” He can’t even keep the laugh in. “Because, honestly, whoever did that has fucking balls of steel. I like it.”
“I pissed the neighbors off.”
He scoffs, knowing too well that I’m lying again. He heads back down the hall, saying over his shoulder, “Better not be who I think it is.”
I grind my jaw, tentative about Hawkes timing of always appearing when Billie is here or maybe it’s by chance since she’s here more frequently. He warned me from seeing her ever again, and I didn’t specifically promise him shit. But I know if he finds out about her, he’ll try to take matters into his own hand by warning her away, and that makes me prematurely want to beat the shit out of my brother because I don’t want him anywhere near her.
It makes me recede into myself because it has always been me and Hawke through thick and thin. The thought of me prioritizing anything over being honest with him is…unsettling.
Hawke stops dead in his tracks. “What the fuck is that? You raising dirty little raccoons now?”
Felix pads up to him, and I grind my teeth as the little fucker meows at Hawke and rubs against his leg. The little shit has the audacity to start purring.
“Something like that.”
Hawke picks him up. And Felix looks even smaller when held in Hawke’s giant hands. He rubs Felix under the chin, and I’m furious with their immediate bond. “It’s all skin and bones. Are you even feeding it properly? You barely know how to look after yourself.”
I lean against the wall. “I don’t need to hear that coming from you.”
He smirks and then looks me dead in the eyes. We have the exact same dark eyes. “Well, I’m glad you finally found your fucking solution. You’ve been acting weird, man. It’s about time you took my advice.”
“Hell will freeze over on the day I take advice from you.”
He chuckles as he enters the spare room with Felix in his hands and shuts the door behind him. I sigh, exhausted. I should’ve known after the way I was acting that Hawke would check up on me. Not that either of us would ever admit that we care.
Hawke has his own place, but sometimes our demons get the best of us, and we can’t sleep. I’ve stayed up for nights on end sometimes. When Hawke has those nights, he’ll stay here. It also has a lot to do with the fact that Hawke doesn’t do well being alone. And I get it. But being alone is my preference. Turning, I head back into my bedroom to find Billie awake and sitting up, no sheet covering her perfect tits.
“Does he know?” she whispers.
“No.” I never told her about the conversation I had with Hawke that day he found us in Dutton’s kitchen. And I’ll never admit that he tried to force me to promise to stop seeing her. “Go back to sleep. He won’t wake for a good twelve hours.” I don’t usually invite her to stay the night, but with Dutton out of town, I feel like, for some reason, I might sleep better, like I need her too.
I climb in next to her, and she lies back down on her side, facing me. “Do you fuck anyone else here?” she asks. Which means she overheard the conversation.
“No.” I hear a soft sigh leave her lips. “Does that bother you? Do you want me to be fucking other women?”
“No.” She’s quick to reply, then immediately lowers her voice. “It’s just… What are we, exactly?”
My eyebrows dip in confusion. I know what she’s asking. But if she thinks we can be anything more than what we are, she’s living in a fairy tale. Tonight should’ve deterred her from those thoughts. I confessed my demons and ugliness so she’d have more reasons to run the other fucking way and kill this off for the both of us, because I’m incapable of doing it.
I realize that if anything, I’m running away, and I’m okay with that. I don’t deserve someone like Billie Taylor, especially when she’s adamant that I remain as the man that sticks to being her dirty little secret. I even lied to my brother to respect her wishes. I don’t resent her for it but there can be nothing for us past this point. She needs to find someone who can offer her a stable relationship, someone whose not prone to violence or addictions and have a white picket fence lifestyle. I stand for everything that is opposite to that so I harden my jaw as I once again purposefully push her away because maybe this time she’ll finally have the strength to step away. Because I certainly don’t have it. I already tried that once and it lead us right here in the now.