Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 86702 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86702 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
I whimper as Eli eases out of me a few moments later. I’m going to be sore tomorrow, but I can’t bring myself to regret it. This was too perfect. I can’t let myself hope it means something, but there’s a strange feeling coursing through me, as if my body is too large for my skin.
This is what it could be like. If we worked together instead of fought each other every step of the way. This seamless give and take between the three of us, nearly perfectly balanced in a way that isn’t quite accomplished with only two.
I’m afraid to hope that it means anything at all.
But… I suddenly want it to.
I don’t quite have sensation back in my legs when Abel hauls both of us into the shower. We clean off quickly, but there’s no salvaging the sheets. It feels like far too much effort to change them, but Eli and Abel don’t seem to need my help. They strip the bed and change the sheets quickly.
No one’s speaking, as if we’re determined to preserve the peace as long as possible. They haul me into bed between them, but I don’t miss the way, their hands linger against each other’s on my skin. Then Eli shuts off the light.
I expect to lie awake. I’m not used to sleeping next to someone anymore, and having both of them in bed with me…
I don’t know what I think about that. I fall asleep before I can come to any conclusions.
23
Harlow
I wake up plastered to Abel’s chest with Eli’s weight at my back. Late morning light presses against the sheer curtains covering the windows. The temptation to close my eyes and simply go back to sleep is almost too much to ignore. I have no business feeling safe sandwiched between these two, but I can’t shake the certainty that, no matter what else is true, they would both put themselves between me and danger without hesitation. Not to mention, for a few hours, I saw how things could have been between Abel and Eli. An unbeatable team, their strengths perfectly complementing each other.
I never questioned Eli’s father’s coup. No matter what I think of Abel, I know what the faction was like under his father’s rule. So many suffered because he didn’t give a fuck about anyone who couldn’t further his own interests. Which compromised most of us.
But now, I have to wonder… What would have happened if Abel had been allowed to take over, if Eli and he were allowed to mature into a team that would tackle any challenge that came at them?
The thought makes me sad, and I’m not quite sure why. I try not to worry about what could have been. My life is what it is, and that’s what I have to work with. Worrying about some fantasy version of it and the choices I would make there is a recipe for even more unhappiness. Asking these men to do the same is something I won’t do.
But it still makes my chest ache.
I start to slide out from between them. Abel rolls easily onto his back, his face relaxed in what appears to be sleep. I don’t trust that for a second. He’s the type to burst into wakefulness at the slightest sound, and he sure as hell doesn’t trust us enough to allow this kind of deep sleep. Which means he’s intentionally giving me space.
I don’t understand this man. I don’t get how he can hold such violence and such thoughtfulness within him at the same time. I certainly can’t figure out how he’s come to mean so much to me in such a short time. I want to blame the sex, and it’s certainly playing a part, but it’s more than that. He gives me space to expand. He trusts me to take care of things for our faction. He insists on seeing parts of me that no one else bothers to.
It’s terrifying. I both love it and hate it.
Padding to the bathroom feels a little like running away. It’s nowhere near far enough to clear my head, but closing the door between me and the men allows me to take my first full breath since we all climbed into that bed together.
Feeling strangely numb, I turn on the shower and wait as steam slowly fills the room. I’m not even surprised when the door open behinds me, but when I turn to look, it’s not who I expect.
Eli shuts the door behind him and leans against it. He looks tired and deliciously rumpled, and I can’t help but think of how many mornings we started like this. We let each other so close, but somehow we never covered that last little distance, the important part that would cement us together forever. I’ve never felt the loss as keenly as I do now. Gods, we fucked this up so thoroughly. I can’t pretend it’s all his fault, though. It took two of us to get to this place.