Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Honor. Japan had taught that above anything. That every action should be done with honor, with purpose. That we, as people, needed to understand that nothing lasted forever. Everything was temporary, from the cherry blossoms to the seasons to the short lives of flowers or pets to both good and hard times. Everything passed; everything started anew.
Especially life.
All but love.
Life was messy. It could break you and tear you apart. But that didn’t mean that life, in all its imperfection, couldn’t be made and remade into something beautiful, that brokenness had to be ugly. It could be mesmerizing and breathtaking.
Simply looking at Cael reminded me of that.
And now we were here. In a new part of Japan. Small and still. Our very final stop. There was a melancholy within me. I had fought so hard against coming on this trip. Now I was desperate to stay. But I knew we had to break out of our bubble if we were to truly move on. We had to take everything we had learned back to our normal lives.
I just prayed the strength I felt within me now persevered. I felt it would. Seeing other cultures, facing the issues I had buried down deep had been liberating. I felt like a previously caged bird close to being set free.
But we had one more stop. Just one more stop before I could spread my wings and fly.
“Tomorrow,” Leo said as we gathered in the hotel’s rec room they had booked out just for us, “will be the culmination of all this trip has taught.” Nerves ran up and down my body like electricity. Mia and Leo hadn’t told us what was going to happen. But I knew it must have been something poignant. I tried not to panic over it. But just let it come. I had become better at facing whatever life threw at me now.
I was wrapped in Cael’s arms on the couch. His body was taut and his eyes haunted. I couldn’t believe that, soon, I wouldn’t have him walking beside me. As if he felt my heart sink at that thought, he pulled me closer. I melted into his strong embrace.
After we finished dinner, I walked hand in hand with Cael back to my room. He waited for me at the door. I needed him with me right now. Because tonight was poignant for me. I walked to the dresser, and lying on the top was Poppy’s notebook.
I turned to Cael, who had been watching me with hawk eyes. His silver-blue gaze softened as I pulled the notebook to my chest. With a trembling lip and voice, I said, “I’m on the very last page.”
Somehow, I had read through the tens and tens of notebook entries Poppy had left me. I had written back to her in the journal Mia and Leo had given me. It felt good to share this journey with her. Helped me to connect to her again. Through her entries, Poppy had lifted me up when I was falling down, had been the golden lacquer to my chipped shards when I had broken apart.
Throughout the pages, she had kept vigil beside me on this trip. When I had cried myself to sleep. When I had been homesick … but not as much as expected, because I had my sister talking to me every night.
But this was it.
This was the final night, the final chapter of her farewell to me. And as much as I didn’t want to read it, I knew I had to. I didn’t want to say goodbye to her stunning words, her uplifting prose. I hadn’t wanted to say goodbye to my sister four years ago, and I certainly didn’t want to say it to her now.
But I had to. Goodbyes had to be said, whether we wanted to say them or not. Like sakura, the cherry blossom tree she loved, taught—nothing lasted forever. And I—we all—had to accept that fact. We could believe in another life, find meaning in the universe or whatever we believed happened next.
But goodbyes, in some form, would always have to be made on this Earth.
I offered my hand to Cael. He didn’t hesitate. He slipped his calloused, tattooed hand into mine. And he squeezed it twice. I cast him a watery smile. Tears already built in my eyes. My throat clogged, but I managed to say, “Will you stay with me …” I took in a deep breath. “For this final entry?”
Cael blinked against his own tears and said, “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” His voice was hoarse, his Boston accent thick. He was enduring his own pain, but he was there for me too.
The hotel we were staying in was traditionally Japanese. Low tables and paper partitions separating sections of the room. And each hotel room had a private, secluded view of a perfectly manicured garden. Clutching on to Cael’s hand, I led him to the cushioned low seating outside and sat down. He cradled me into his arms, his tall and broad body creating a protective shield around me.