Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
He caught me staring and forced a flicker of a smile. He was hurting. He struggled so badly in moving past the residual anger he held for his brother. I could see he was tortured, even now. I wished so badly to take that burden from him. But it was his journey and his move to make.
“For the good memories,” I said quietly, just for Cael. He blinked back tears but nodded. My heart was in my throat as he placed his candle on the plate, cast it onto the river, and it began to drift away—a symbol for why we were all here.
To try to let our loved ones go.
I held my plate a moment longer than the others, and even closer to my chest. It was the hardest lesson so far, trying to learn to release Poppy from my heart. I wanted to keep her with me forever. But holding her so close was keeping me from moving on. I thought back to what Kabir had said when we first arrived in this wonderful city. We must free our loved ones’ souls too. So they are unshackled from this life.
I wanted Poppy to fly free. She deserved her place among the stars, the night sky craving her unearthly shine. I closed my eyes and silently said, Thank you for loving me like you did. Thank you for showing me how to love. I miss you. So much … Be free …
As I opened my eyes, a tear fell down my cheek. I placed the candle in the river and watched it sail away. I leaned back into Cael’s awaiting arms, and he held me so tightly I almost couldn’t breathe. He kept me together. I just hoped I was doing the same for him. Sometimes I thought he was progressing well. Other times, I wondered what he was thinking in that quiet mind of his.
He just had to keep trying.
As our boat bobbed on the river, I silently thanked this city for making me face death. But also for letting me see its beauty. I had never believed I could ever see it that way. But here, in Varanasi, it was impossible not to.
As I drank in the sights of Varanasi one last time, I reflected on my time here. I couldn’t wait to write to Poppy in my journal of all the things I’d seen and felt. Of what I had shared with Cael. This place would always be the city that made me fall that much deeper for the boy who was fast becoming my world. Poppy had wanted that for me. She would be so happy.
And that thought made me happy too.
I wasn’t healed. I was still in pain, but I was leaving this city, this country, lighter and perhaps a little more hopeful. I lay my head against Cael’s broad chest, watching the holy men in their worship. Cael kissed my head, and I smiled.
If anything, I was certainly a lot deeper in love.
Heartbreaks and Kindred Spirits
Cael
The Philippines
“HERE YOU GO.” SAVANNAH HANDED ME ANOTHER NAIL. I TOOK IT FROM her and wiped the sweat from my brow. The sound of hammers slamming onto wood echoed all around us. The weather was hot and humid as the heavy sun beat down upon us.
This week we were in a rural part of the Philippines. It was a stunning place. Tropical and green, soft white sand and a crystal blue sea. It looked heavenly. Though why we were here was not so idyllic.
There was a note of sadness in the air that never left us as we rebuilt homes. At least to me and most of our group. Mia and Leo held retreats here in the Philippines, in another part of the country. A place where people could come and face their grief. That was what we would be doing soon.
But first, they had brought us to a rural village that had been destroyed by a hurricane several months ago. We were joining a charity that was rebuilding houses and giving help to the residents who had lost everything—including family members.
“Another?” Savannah asked and pulled me from casting my attention to the school that was just up the hill. Volunteers had already rebuilt the school a while back. Much of it was filled with children who had lost their parents or siblings—at least someone—and every time I saw the building, my chest nearly snapped with sadness. Most of them were younger than us. But as well as losing loved ones, they had lost their homes too. Livelihoods had been ripped away. Running water and crops had been destroyed. It was giving me a perspective of loss I hadn’t seen before now.
About how truly absolute it could be.
“Exposure,” Savannah said, following my line of sight to the school. I sighed hearing that word. It gave me shivers every time it was said. That was the overarching theme for this leg of the trip. We only had one more country to go after this. My blood ran cold at that thought. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to go home, back to my life before this.