Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
“Thank you,” she said quietly. I heard him leave the room and held on to Savannah even tighter.
Taking a breath hurt my chest, and my limbs felt like they were made from lead. I glanced up at Savannah and met her sad blue eyes. “I love you, Peaches,” I rasped. “I’m … I’m so sorry …” I said, feeling nothing but guilty that I had laid all this at her feet.
Savannah shifted down the bed until she lay beside me. “I love you,” she said and stroked my hair back from my face. “There is nothing to be sorry for.” Concern was written all over her pretty face. Concern for me.
“He’s gone, Sav,” I said, and for the first time in a year, I really let that fact settle within me. It felt like being whipped with a thousand blades. But I had let it in. Finally. All of it. Everything. Every ounce of pain.
“I know,” Savannah whispered. I felt the sorrow in her voice and touch.
“I’ll never see him or speak to him again.”
“I know.” Savannah let tears track down her cheeks.
“What … what if he’s not in a better place?” My heart squeezed at that thought. What if he never got to wherever we go?
“He’s at peace,” Savannah said with conviction. I could hear in her voice that she believed it.
“It hurts,” I said and threaded my fingers through hers. I squeezed her hand twice. Our sign that I was falling. But I knew this time I had to. I had to feel this. I had to allow true grief in to get better.
“You’re strong,” Savannah said. “And I’ll be here for you when you’re not.”
I laid my head on her stomach and held on tightly. My eyelids began to grow heavy, sleep pulling me under. But as I drifted off, I pictured Cillian’s face and silently said, I’m sorry, Cill. Sorry for not understanding …
I miss you.
I love you.
And I wish you could have stayed …
Dark Skies and Brighter Stars
Savannah,
I think the hardest part of my illness is seeing how it has impacted all of you. I remember one particular day you and Ida came to see me in the hospital. I had just been told that my treatment plan was failing, and I only had months left to live. And Savannah, I remember meeting your eyes and knowing you understood that. That I was dying. I had made peace with it. But feeling you crumble into my embrace was one of the worst moments of my life.
There is nothing worse than seeing those you love taken down by sadness. It hurts so badly because it is out of your control. And I pray with all my heart that my last few months were beautiful. I never want to let darkness consume me, even in the most dire of circumstances.
I hope when you read this, your life is full of love and light. If it isn’t, my task to you is to work to let that light in. Bathe in grace, and light and hope will spread to those around you. Infect them with joy. Cover them with a love so unyielding that they have no choice but to feel that love in the marrow of their bones.
As I sit here now, I pray that I have done that for you. For Mama and Daddy, for Ida. And for Rune, who was so hurt by my absence when he was in Norway, I didn’t know if he could ever feel joy again. But I see him smile more and more every day. He walks beside me, the soulmate I always knew him to be.
Search for happiness, Savannah. Then spread that happiness and hope to all you meet. Especially those who need it most. You are my ray of sunshine. And always will be. I know you can be that for those who need it too.
Sending you love,
Poppy
* * *
Savannah
I tied my hair back in a French braid and put simple gold stud earrings in my ears. I smoothed the creases from my shirt and pants. I was ready. The pounding of my heart felt so strong I thought I’d be able to see it underneath my shirt. But I dug deep, worked on my breathing, and kept my spine straight.
I can do this, I told myself. I closed my eyes and silently said, Poppy, please place your hand on my back and hold me through this.
I opened my eyes and felt the sting of tears prick at my eyes. But I kept them away and turned to Cael, who was sitting on the bed in my room. Leo allowed him to be in here during the day as long as the door was kept open. He’d been here this morning at first light. Leo had already checked on us several times. Checked on Cael. Leo had barely left his side since his breakthrough.