Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 94094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
He still wasn’t a hundred-percent well. Eileen looked better but even she needed to take a nap as she’s still recovering. Noise in the hallway grabs my attention.
I rush to the door and pull it open. Gregor is leaning against the wall, looking disheveled.
His eyes roll to me and lock on mine. Sighing, I move to his side and wiggle underneath his arm. He dips his head to kiss my temple and a wave of alcohol comes from his breath, nearly knocking me over.
“Come on, big guy, let’s get you cleaned up,” I huff.
“My Cee,” he says against my skin, a bit slurred. “Beautiful.”
My lips purse as I lead him into his room. I manage to get him to the bed where he flops down and groans. I lower to my knees to get his shoes off.
Then, I work on his pants as he mutters to himself. Once his pants are off, he rolls and climbs up the bed, flinging himself onto his back. Shaking my head, I follow him to work on his shirt.
I rest on my knees beside him, reaching for the buttons. He shoots his arm out, tugging me onto his chest. The air is knocked out of me as I land on top of him.
“I just need to hold you,” he says.
So much hurt laces his words. I relent, placing my hand over his heart. We’re both silent for a long time. In fact, I think he has dozed off. That is until his hand goes into my hair.
“I had planned to take you with me. Before that week. Before you told me about everything going on in your life. I was going to board that plane with you by my side.
“One of my biggest regrets was not looking deeper into your life before I reentered it back then. I would’ve known it wasn’t the right time. I should’ve waited a year or two…” His words trail off and he releases a heavy sigh.
I remain silent. I don’t want to go back there. All the different choices we both could have made won’t get us anywhere. For me to even consider what Eileen asked of me, I need to stay in the here and now. His words are only unsettling old wounds.
“I’m trying. Some days you’re with me. Others… it’s like we’re oceans apart all over again. How can I reach you if… you won’t open up? I just… I… I love you,” he murmurs.
Silence fills the room again, and this time I know he’s fallen asleep. If I gave a dollar for every time he has said those words in the last few months, he wouldn’t owe me a dime. I don’t know how I feel anymore.
He’s right. I haven’t opened up completely. Self-preservation won’t allow it.
“I just don’t know what to do, Gregor. I don’t know if I can survive you again,” I speak aloud my feelings.
Yet, like a glutton for punishment, I want to be near him. I want to get lost in his warmth. I want to feel his body next to mine.
I take advantage of the moment. I can have what I need for just a little while. No one will be the wiser.
I curl into his side and wrap an arm around him. There was a time where I wished he could know my pain. Now, I just wish I could make this all go away for him. For us both.
* * *
Gregor
I wake up to a dry mouth and something heavy on my chest. Prying my eyes open, I look down to find a crown of red hair lying on me. I reach to run a hand through it.
I must have died and gone to heaven.
I groan as my throat demands lubrication. I need to find a glass of water quickly. Reluctantly, I gently move from beneath Cee’s body. She clings to me at first, bringing a smile to my face.
I can’t help watching her for a few moments before I stumble to my feet. Dragging my body to the bathroom, I get a glass of water to chug down. After two more glasses, I brush my teeth to get the rank taste out of my mouth. I turn and look at the shower longingly.
I strip the rest of the way out of my clothes and push my way toward the waiting stall. As the water beats against my skin, I welcome the warmth that begins to release my muscles. I wish I could wash away my problems.
The tension in my body isn’t all that’s released. Tears begin to fall. My desire was to be my own man. I’ve done that. I made it happen.
But at what cost?
I feel more like I’ve lost my soul along the way. I would give away every dime if it meant I could have back all that I’ve lost. I spent hours drinking and trying to figure out where I went wrong, which moments I could have changed to get it all right.