Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 94094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94094 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
“All roads were leading right for that seat. Until the day I walked into a coffee shop and saw the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I never imagined you were so young.
“I… I was so fucked up over losing you the first time, but the scandal our relationship would have caused… I had to let you go,” he chokes out.
“Why are you telling me this?” I whisper.
“I need you to understand. If, after I tell you things from my side, you decide to leave… I’ll try to let you go. It’s not going to be easy for me. I’ve loved you since that first date.” He chuckles softly, but his words are filled with pain.
“What’s so funny?”
“When I think about it now, I should’ve known you were too young for me. You were adorable and so nervous, but you were just what I needed. You didn’t expect anything from me, and you just let me be,” he replies.
“Getting over you was so hard,” I say into my lap.
“You’re preaching to the choir,” he scoffs. “My father couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, so he sent me off to stay with my uncle. I spent most of my time with him drunk.”
He climbs onto the bed, sitting with his back to the headboard. Reaching for me, he pulls me between his legs. My back to his front.
I remain stiff. A war rages as I sit in his embrace. Yet, I can’t move away and I’m hanging on to every word.
“I told myself… I’d just check on you. See you one last time. You know… see you as a woman and wish you well. But you walked into that room and took my breath away. I knew then, I’d never love another.
“Things were so all over the place. My father was really pushing me to secure my hold on supporters and run for mayor. We were going to make the big leap from there.
“One day, I just stopped. You were in one of my T-shirts, walking around the apartment I kept for us. It felt more real to me than anything else in my life. Clay had this plan. We were going to walk away from my father’s money, his connections, everything.
“It wasn’t a question of if he would be furious. It was how furious? I couldn’t chance him homing in on you and destroying your life—”
“None of that mattered to me. My life was ruined anyway. I… something broke inside,” I say softly. “I just couldn’t find that…that thing. It was gone.”
The tears start again. That time in my life was so hard. I still don’t think I’ve fully gotten my life back together since. I know I haven’t.
“I see that.” His voice breaks. “Baby, in my mind I was doing the right thing. After you talked about your life all week. I realized you had responsibilities you couldn’t walk away from.
“You were so mature for your age. With so much on your shoulders, I couldn’t ask you to leave your sister behind and I didn’t know if my brother’s crazy plan would work. I couldn’t afford to take care of you and Ally. It was best if I broke things off,” he says hoarsely.
“I would have waited. For you, I would have waited,” I sniffle.
“I know, but you were so young, so beautiful. I couldn’t ask you to sit around waiting on me. For months, I was destitute. I had nothing. Babe, the shit I had to do to eat.” He makes a disgusted sound.
“Don’t tell me you were selling your body,” I try to joke.
It’s my way of dealing with pain when it’s too much to bear. This… this is becoming too much. I’m crumbling as I sit here.
“Pretty damn close,” he says, disdain coloring his words. “I went to one of those sperm banks. I was desperate. I hadn’t eaten in days. Clay was doing well in the States, but I was still hustling to get things done on my end.
“All of my funds went to looking the part to make deals happen. Food was an afterthought. I wasn’t about to tell my little brother I was failing and starving.”
“Oh,” I breathe, my heart aching even more.
The thought of him having more children out there threatens to implode my chest. I start to rock myself and he rocks with me. It’s more soothing than I want to admit.
“I caught a break not long after that. Now that I think about it, Addison was one of my first hires. I was focused. I did everything I needed to do to get my life on track.
“But it haunted me that I had to do the things I did. I contacted the bank I’d gone to, praying I was never picked as a donor. I didn’t try to make myself sound too flattering on the questionnaire.