Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
A man had hit on me tonight. That had never happened before, but it now had, and that opened up so many possibilities, but also broke my heart. It made me miss Jasp more, want Jasp more.
My pulse jumped when my cell rang. The last time I’d been woken up in the middle of the night was when Jasper came in because of Carrie’s accident.
I fumbled picking it up, not surprised to see Jasper’s name on the screen. My finger lingered. Should I answer it or not? I knew Jasper, and if I didn’t, he’d just keep calling. But there was something in my gut too, this forewarning that made me feel like I might throw up and it made me click to answer.
I didn’t speak right away, didn’t even say hello, and Jasper didn’t say a word either. Moments ticked by, until he finally whispered, “Don’t go. Please don’t leave me, Sutt. I don’t even know who I am without you, and I wanna know. I mean, I don’t wanna know. Shit. I’m drunk.”
I shoved up to sitting, tried to breathe and speak around the emotion in my throat. Worried I was going to die right there, that my heart was beating too fast and I wouldn’t survive it. “Where are you? Are you at home?”
“It’s not gonna be your home if you leave. Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me.” He just kept saying that over and over, making my heart bleed with it.
“Jasp, where are you? How much did you drink?” This wasn’t like him, not at all. Especially after everything they’d been through with his aunt. I couldn’t say he’d never gotten drunk, but it was usually for fun; definitely not like this.
I was already on my feet, light turned on and stepping into my jeans.
“You remember that time we got in the truck and just drove? We went damn near all the way to Raleigh, found a lake, got as close as we could, put the tailgate down, and just sat in the bed of the truck all night?”
I smiled at the memory. “Yeah, Jasp. I remember that.” We’d been…twenty? Twenty-one? We’d watched the sun set, the lake busy; then, when we’d watched it rise, we were alone. Just us. Me and Jasp.
“You were going through that phase where you were obsessed with Big Red gum. You smelled like cinnamon. We talked so much, you started to lose your voice. Do you remember that? You sounded like you’d been smoking for fifty years.” He chuckled. “And you were wearin’ that stupid Hawaiian shirt with the white flowers. It was so ugly. I don’t know what you were thinkin’. I told you it was a bad idea then, and it’s a bad idea now.”
“I still have that shirt. It’s in my closet.” But I didn’t wear it.
“I know. You drank Cherry Coke, and then your breath smelled like cherries and cinnamon. You picked a leaf out of my hair. When we lay down, our arms brushed together, and the hairs on mine stood on end. I told myself I should move away, but I didn’t, Sutt, and you didn’t either. You peeled the wrapper on your soda like you did today with the water. When we took our shoes off and rolled our pant legs up to wade in, you had a three-inch cut on your leg from when you caught it on that piece of metal, and I made you go get a tetanus shot even though you said you were fine. And because you hate shots, we got you ice cream afterward like you were a damn kid.”
My eyes were watering, leaking all over my face as I listened to him. My heart was beating out the syllables of his name over and over and over again.
“I remember everything, Sutt. Why do I remember every damn thing about every fuckin’ moment we’ve ever had? That ain’t normal.” His voice broke, and then he started rambling words I couldn’t make out.
“Where are you? Tell me where the fuck you are.” I pulled the cell away just to tug my shirt on.
“Don’t leave me. I know I shouldn’t say that. I know it shouldn’t matter, but don’t leave me. I need you.”
“Jasper.” He didn’t reply, just breathed. “Jasp, talk to me.”
The line went dead, but not before I heard the sound of a train in the background.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Jasper
I was losing my shit, and I couldn’t make sense of it. I rarely ever got sloppy drunk like this. It was scary as shit and made me worry about becoming like my aunt. But I’d started with one drink, and then another, replaying my conversation with my parents, then Sutton, who was leaving. Sutton, who was moving out, maybe to Cloverhill. He had a girlfriend, someone he cared about, and he was going to leave me. I didn’t know how to be me if Sutton wasn’t by my side.