Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Sutton and I didn’t talk about it, about Sammy being gay and how everyone had lost their damn minds. We didn’t talk about much at all, really. He was quiet, and I let him be. We worked together and went home together, but we weren’t us.
Like right now, we were sitting in the truck, me driving after work, and we weren’t talking, weren’t laughing and trying to figure out what we’d have for dinner, or giving each other shit.
When we got home, I said, “I’m gonna go see Mama. Wanna go?”
I wasn’t surprised when Sutton shook his head. “Nah, need a shower.”
I nodded, watched him, wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words, so I just turned and headed for my parents’ house.
She was alone when I got there—Dad was at work on the Lenny Ranch—and she was crying.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Is it Aunt Carrie? Did somethin’ happen?” I sat beside her at the kitchen table, wrapped an arm around her.
“Sammy left.” She swiped at her tears.
My stomach got heavy. “What do you mean, left?”
“He moved! Left with that man. We don’t even know where he is. His mama is telling me he’ll be okay, but she doesn’t get it. She’s so sorry about the things she’s done that she won’t risk gettin’ him mad at her by tellin’ him this is wrong.”
Was it, though? Shouldn’t Sammy be able to live his own life? He’d never done a damn thing for himself. If he stayed, he’d have to take care of her, and on top of that, I couldn’t imagine it’d be real easy to be gay in Ryland. “I’m sure Sammy knows what he’s doin’,” was what I settled on.
“That man will hurt him. You mark my words. This whole family is fallin’ apart, and I don’t like it. No matter what’s happened, I’ve always kept this family together, and it’s all unraveling now.”
“There’s nothin’ we can do. We gotta trust Sammy to make the right decision. And our family ain’t fallin’ apart. I would never let that happen. Maybe this is a good thing. Aunt Carrie can get healthy, and Sammy…” Well, I didn’t know what to say about Sammy. I didn’t let myself think on it much because it made my head fuzzy and my chest feel a little strange.
“You’re such a good boy. I’m so lucky to have you. You and Sutton both. You both’ll always do the right thing.”
Me and Sutton. She spoke of us like we were brothers. It put an uncomfortable weight on my shoulders to always be what she expected, what the family wanted.
I tried to smile, my stomach tense and nauseous. “I love you, Mama.”
“I love you too.”
When I got home a little while later, Sutton wasn’t there.
It was late when he got home. I told myself I wasn’t staying up waiting for him, but that was a lie. I turned on the TV before he came in and leaned back against the couch, relaxed and watching—
“You hate the news,” was the first thing he said.
“Just changed the channel,” I lied. “Where were you?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Drove over to Cloverhill and met Kendra. We had dinner, then went back to her place for a bit.”
My brain was going into overdrive, but I didn’t know what I wanted to say. I couldn’t figure out what to think or why I felt…alone. Why did hearing that make me feel so alone?
“That’s…good. Good for you, man.”
“Thanks.”
“Sammy left. Moved away. Mama said he told her to tell me he loved me. I’m a little bummed he didn’t talk to me himself.” I should’ve texted him when he came out, should have told him it was okay. Maybe if I had, he would have said goodbye.
Sutton smirked. “The phone goes both ways.”
“Asshole.” I smiled, trying to be me. To be us. I scooted over, expecting him to sit down with me and talk shit.
“I’m gonna go to bed.”
Oh. “Yeah…yeah, me too.”
I turned the TV off, stood. Sutton watched me as I did, then nodded. “Night, Jasp.”
“Night, Sutt.”
He walked away without looking back, and I stood there, looking at the empty hallway.
PART TWO
CHAPTER NINE
Sutton
November
In the three months since that day in Charlotte, I’d been visiting Uncle Brian more. The first week or so after Sammy left, I’d gone over. That wasn’t abnormal. I tried to stay engaged with him. But then I went again two weeks later, then the next one. I’d ended up there every few days eventually. I never really stayed long. We didn’t talk a lot, but it kept me away from home, something I’d been trying to do more and more of lately, trying to put a little space between me and Jasper.
Most of the time, Uncle Brian and I would hang out for an hour or so, shoot the shit, and then I’d be on my way. The last two times, we ended up playing the guitar together, something we hadn’t done since I’d moved out. I liked feeling close to him this way, getting to know him as an adult, something I hadn’t taken as much time to do when I was younger.