Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 100466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
School.
Not anything else.
Where do I start? "It's interesting. I guess that's vague, but it's the truth. I'm always engaged by research. By the questions I can ask and answer. There's always more knowledge to uncover, but we don't find it, because people don't talk about sex. I like being the person who looks at this taboo thing. Having the strength and curiosity to do it."
His eyes stay fixed on mine. They stay open and curious. "So it's all self-interest."
"Mostly, if I'm being honest."
He curls his hand around my neck. "What else?"
"I want to help people have more fulfilling sex lives. Because everything I hear from friends, and read on the Internet, it's not good. All these men who were trained by porn, who except women to act like over-the-top vixens and enjoy jackrabbiting. Who think women don't need lube or foreplay or clitoral stimulation. Movies and TV don't help either. Or friends and family. When's the last time a friend of yours said something smart about sex?"
"I don't talk to my friends about sex," he says.
"Really? You don't walk around talking about how much you want to fuck a celebrity?"
He chuckles. "When my coworkers dragged me to a strip-club, they threw around some of that. I could do this to her. Or make her come like this. I bet she's a tiger in the sack. All that bullshit. None of it was smart."
"And I probably wasn't better. When Cass asked me about her medication… I told her what I knew then. That SSRIs gave most people sexual side effects. That she'd probably need lube. That supplements might help her come."
His face goes white.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to bring up your sister's sex life. She's just…"
"Your best friend," he says.
"Yeah." I nod. "And I did fail her then. I tried my best, but I didn't know how to make space for her feelings about sex. I only know how to keep it technical." I should talk to her. Apologize for that. It might get lost in the by the way, I'm moving across the country news, but I need to apologize all the same.
"Is that how you were with ex-boyfriends too?"
"Yes." My cheeks flush. "But I think they appreciated it. Guys are so clueless. Most of them have no idea it's normal for them to lose an erection sometimes. And they have no idea how to handle it."
"How should they handle it?" he asks.
"Tell whoever they're with it's no big deal. They're just too hot or had too much to drink. Or it just happens sometimes. Then stop thinking about their dick and get the other person off."
"How can you make ED sound hot?" A flirting tone drops into his voice. Just barely. But enough. "Sorry." He smiles. "I'm not trying to derail you."
"I brought it back to sex," I say.
"You always do."
"I know." I nod.
He smiles and I like it then he shifts back to the serious conversation we're having. "Did you get the wrong messages at first?"
"Everyone does." I swallow hard.
"Did anything happen?" he asks.
"What do you mean?"
His voice softens. "Did some guy do shit without your permission."
"Oh." He's talking about assault. "No. Not the way you mean. Not in a way that crossed the line. It was more a sense I was supposed to be a certain way. Play a certain role."
"I can't imagine that."
"You can't?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "You take exactly what you want."
My cheeks flush.
"It's sexy as fuck. But you're right. It's not common. Most women I'm with are shy. At least at first. They try to defer to what I want."
"Is that what you want?" I ask.
"No." His eyes meet mine. "I want someone who's as into it as I am. Ideally, we like a lot of the same things. But it's fun to try something different from time to time if my partner is into it."
"What have you tried?" I ask.
"You sure you're ready to go to sex?" he asks.
No. There's a lot on my shoulders. But I feel better, getting this little bit out. And I'll feel a lot better once I've told everyone the truth. "If you promise me one thing."
"What?" he asks.
"Promise you won't fight me about leaving in three weeks. Even if you want to," I say. "Promise you won't take it personally. Because I… I think I might fall in love with you. And if you ask me to stay, I will. But I can't."
"You're not going that far."
"Just promise. Please."
He nods. "I promise."
Relief floods my body. I know he can't promise that he won't take it personally. No one can control how they feel. But I know he'll honor my request too.
I don't have to face his disappointment.
Even if I cause it.
I take a deep breath, and I shift back to sex. "So. What's the weirdest thing you've tried in the name of love?"