Total pages in book: 248
Estimated words: 236909 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1185(@200wpm)___ 948(@250wpm)___ 790(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 236909 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1185(@200wpm)___ 948(@250wpm)___ 790(@300wpm)
“I worry about that every waking second,” he said. “But I’ve also learned that it’s something I will need to deal with.” He shifted, straightening in his chair. “Besides, the other deal you made, the one in the courtyard, was that you wanted to be of aid. I agreed. That has not changed.”
I blinked rapidly, having figured that all our agreements had been voided. “Then we leave in the morning.”
Nyktos nodded. A moment passed. “Nektas said you knew the woman Delfai was with? Was she the one you spoke about before?”
“It’s Princess Kayleigh—Tavius’s once-betrothed,” I said with a nod. “She should be at Cauldra Manor, in Massene—a village in Irelone, near the capital. I remember her saying it was the Balfour ancestry home. I’m hoping there’s a gateway near.”
He smiled then, a little wider, warmer. “We lucked out with one being so close to Wayfair, but there are none within Irelone that I would trust using. However, we don’t need a gateway. We will shadowstep.”
I started to ask how that would be possible, but then I remembered how he’d taken me from the Great Hall in Wayfair. “So, you’re going to have to knock me out.”
“I will do my best to make sure you feel no pain and that it’s quick,” he assured me. “The only alternative is that we enter through Spessa’s End or Pompay, where the closest gateways to Irelone are, which would be rather time-consuming.”
“It’s fine,” I told him. “I can deal with it.”
“I know you can.” A pause. “You can deal with anything.”
I stilled, once again struck off-kilter by his too-soft tone as he continued to eye me closely, enough to make my skin prickle with awareness. I was grateful we had nothing else to discuss. I unclasped my hands, beginning to rise—
“Nektas told me you ran into the nymphs on your return from the Vale.”
“We did.” I remained tense in the chair, like a bird perched on a cliff, prepared to take flight. “I’d forgotten about them.”
“You killed one,” he said. “With eather.”
I nodded.
“You shouldn’t be able to do that.”
“That’s what Nektas said. The embers…I guess they really are that powerful. But that will soon be something I won’t need to worry about.” I cleared my throat. “I don’t want to keep you—”
“I don’t want you to do this.”
Confusion rose once more. “Do what?”
“This.”
I waited for more of an explanation. There was none. “I’m going to need you to elaborate.”
One side of his lips curled up. “You don’t need to become someone you’re not.”
The muscles along my spine clenched. “I’m not.”
“You’re being amicable. Understanding. Reserved. Even polite.” He fired off what most would consider admirable traits.
“It’s not an act.”
“I didn’t suggest that it was.”
I frowned. “Then what exactly are you suggesting, Your Highness? Because I’m confused as to why you would now demand that I be…what? More argumentative? Irrational?”
“As I told you before, I quite enjoyed the more…reckless side of your nature.”
I was still on the outside. Inside, however, I trembled.
“But this?” He lowered his hand to the surface of his desk. “This was how you were raised to be, wasn’t it?”
I sucked in a breath.
“Pliable. Submissive. Quiet.” He paused. “Empty.”
A sharp swirl of tingles swept along the nape of my neck as my eyes locked with his—with a gaze that continued to be intense and…and searching. I gripped the arms of the chair. “You’re trying to read my emotions.”
“Yes,” he confirmed without any hint of shame. “And I feel nothing.”
My mouth dried. “So?”
“There hasn’t been one time that I’ve been in your presence for more than a handful of minutes where I haven’t felt you project an emotion, be it joy, desire, or anger,” he said. “Not from the first moment I saw you in the Dark Elms till I tried to slow your breathing beneath the palace.”
I shook, my calm cracking.
“This isn’t you. You have never been like this with me.” His palm flattened against the desk. “Whether it’s because I’ve annoyed you or something else, you have always been yourself. You have more than earned the right to be yourself. To think what you want, feel what you want. That shouldn’t change.”
“It shouldn’t?” I whispered.
“No.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “No matter what I’ve done to you.”
What he had…? I stopped myself from finishing that thought. “The problem with that is that my feelings could’ve killed me and destroyed the palace.”
“Not your feelings,” he corrected quietly. “What I did to them. What happened is my fault, Sera. Not yours.” His gaze never wavered. “You do not need to change. And as…as selfish as this is, I don’t want you to.”
“I don’t want to be like this,” I whispered before I could stop myself.
Nyktos jerked—actually recoiled—and shadows became visible beneath his skin for a brief second.
My broken nails scraped the chair’s wooden arms, and I focused on my breathing until the abyss that pained whisper had come from was sealed off once more. “But I can’t feel like that ever again. So, we can’t always get what we want.” I rose. “Not even Primals.”