Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
When I looked for Charles, I didn’t see him.
“Watch out,” a man said, pushing me. My gaze darted around, searching, needing Charles to help ground me, but I couldn’t find him. People just kept walking, and it felt like they were all closing in on me, like all of them were coming for me, hands around my heart and lungs.
The world spun faster. I was unsteady on my feet, frantically searching, making quick jerky steps as I tried to find Charles. How had I lost him?
“Charles?” I called out, my voice rough, as if it hadn’t been used in years.
Dizziness threatened to pull me to the ground as I stumbled toward a building, trying to escape all the bodies around me.
“What the fuck, man,” someone said as I tripped over them, falling into a brick wall.
Sweat dripped down my face, into my eyes. My vision was blurry. I couldn’t breathe. Why the fuck couldn’t I breathe?
My hands tightened in my hair, another wave of dizziness hitting me. Where was Charles? What the fuck was I doing here, pretending this was me and that this could ever work? He shouldn’t have to deal with this—with me.
My chest tightened more, the weight of the city crushing me. I clutched my chest, feeling like I was going to have a heart attack. Just as my vision began to swim and I swayed on my feet, the familiar touch of Charles’s palm cupped my cheek. Everything was too blurry for me to see anything, but I knew the scent of his skin—musk, cologne, and music, even if that didn’t make sense to anyone but me. I knew the feel of him, could make out the sound of his voice over everything else when he said, “Brian…shit, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to lose you. I’m here.”
I let Charles hold me up, just collapsed against him when his strong arms wrapped around me. I shouldn’t need him like this. I shouldn’t be losing it like this over walking down the fucking street.
I felt the weight of his parents’ stares on me even though I couldn’t focus on them. Knew they had to wonder what Charles saw in me and how I could possibly deserve him.
He spoke to them, but I couldn’t make out the words, or even how we got home afterward. Before I knew it, we were walking and then inside his building, his arm around me. Then in an elevator, before I was in his bed, my body moving but my brain turned off.
Charles climbed into bed with me and pulled me into his arms. “It’s okay. We’re good, sweetheart. I’m so fucking sorry.”
But he didn’t have anything to be sorry for. I did. “I ruined your mom’s birthday,” were the only words I could make break free.
“No, you didn’t. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Charles replied.
No, I didn’t do anything wrong, well, other than not telling him it was too much for me. That was my mistake, and I needed to deal with that. It was the last thought plaguing me before I lost myself to exhaustion.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Charles
I hadn’t been able to sleep all night. Brian had been restless for some of it, but then he’d relaxed in my arms, the day catching up with him until I didn’t think anything could disturb him.
I lay awake, brushing the hair from his face, letting my fingers dance along his skin, just wanting to touch him, to be close to him, wishing like hell I could fix this. I wanted to take away all his pain, wanted to see him smile and never have to be in a situation where he was uncomfortable. Guilt was eating me alive. I’d been so wrapped up in excitement for the theater and enjoying my time with my parents, that I hadn’t put Brian first. I couldn’t forgive myself for that.
New York was going to be a problem. I would just have to visit by myself. My parents would come to Ryland too, so that wouldn’t be an issue, but I didn’t want to never come back to the city. I wanted to spend time here. I wanted to be here with Brian, but having him at home and then just making visits back to the city alone was better than nothing. At least I would still have him.
The sun wasn’t even up yet when I slipped out of bed. I grabbed my phone and sneaked out of the room, closing the door softly behind me.
I took a quick piss and went into the living room. I wasn’t surprised to see a text from my mom she’d sent in the middle of the night. There was no doubt in my mind she was still awake since I hadn’t responded. That was how she was.
Mom: How is he, honey?