Total pages in book: 241
Estimated words: 229266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1146(@200wpm)___ 917(@250wpm)___ 764(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 229266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1146(@200wpm)___ 917(@250wpm)___ 764(@300wpm)
Pressing my lips together, I looked away. If only all of what he’d said was true. The future would be different. Everything would be different. I wished he hadn’t spoken those words at all.
The old woman Casteel had talked to earlier spoke up. “And you knew that he originally planned to use you?”
“I didn’t at first, not until after he’d already gained my trust and that of the Ascended in charge of me. When I found out…” I trailed off, thinking my reaction was best not known.
“She stabbed me in the heart with a bloodstone dagger,” Casteel finished instead.
The old woman blinked while Jasper gave a sudden bark of laughter. “I’m sorry,” he said. “But damn…are you for real?”
“It’s true,” Kieran confirmed. “She thought it would kill him.”
Emil started to grin but one look from Casteel stopped that in its tracks.
Shifting in the suddenly uncomfortable chair, I wondered how in the world that piece of knowledge helped anything. “I was a little angry.”
Casteel arched a brow as he glanced at me. “A little?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Okay. I was very angry.”
“I didn’t know that,” Alastir said from behind the rim of his cup.
“Obviously, Casteel takes after his father when it comes to women with sharp objects,” Jasper commented with a snort. “I feel like I’m missing some vital information that Delano conveniently left out when he met me halfway.”
I frowned, but at least I knew where Delano had been.
“You stabbed Casteel?” Jasper repeated. “In the heart? With bloodstone. And you thought it would kill him?”
“In my defense, I felt bad afterward.”
“She did cry,” Casteel remarked.
I was going to stab him again.
“But I trusted him, and he betrayed that,” I continued. “I was the Maiden, nearly groomed my entire life to remain pure and focused only on my Ascension. I was Chosen to be given to the gods, even though I never chose the life. And I don’t know what you know of me, but I had no control over where I went, who I spoke to or could speak with. I was veiled, unable to even look someone in the eye if they were allowed to speak with me. I didn’t get to choose what I ate, when I left my chambers, or who was allowed to even touch me. But he was the first thing I’d ever truly chosen for myself.”
My voice cracked slightly as the knot expanded. I took a shallow breath, feeling Casteel’s gaze on me, but I refused to look at him. I couldn’t, because I didn’t want to know what he was feeling.
“I chose him when I knew him as Hawke,” I forced myself to continue, to say what I needed to say so that everyone in the room could hear me even if it felt like I was scraping at a wound in my chest with rusty nails. “I didn’t know what that would mean at that time, other than I wanted to have something that I actually wanted for myself. I’d already begun to question things—the Ascended and if I could be or do what they required of me. I’d already begun to realize that I couldn’t live like I was any longer. That the Maiden wasn’t me, and I was better and stronger and meant for something other than that. But he…he was the catalyst in a way. And I chose him. I chose him because he made me feel like I was something other than the Maiden, and he saw me when no one else ever really did. He made me feel alive. He valued me for who I am and didn’t try to control me. And then it all seemed like a lie once I realized the truth of who he was and why he was a part of my life.”
Neither Alastir nor Jasper spoke. I could still feel Casteel’s stare.
I swallowed, but the knot was still there. “So, yes, I was very angry, but what I felt for him before remained, and after learning the entire truth about the Ascended and what had happened to him and to his brother, I could understand why he set out to use me. That doesn’t mean that it was okay, but I could understand why. I refused his proposal at first, just so you know. Accepting him and…and allowing myself to feel what I did for him was a betrayal to those who were lost in all of this, and it felt like a betrayal to myself. But I still chose him despite it all.”
I closed my eyes. Up until this moment, I’d spoken the truth, some of it new to me, and I did so for the first time in front of Casteel. What came next was easier because it was the lie. “We’ve moved past how we met. At least, I have. He loves me, and I wouldn’t be here in a room full of people who have spent the entire dinner staring at me in distaste or distrust,”—I opened my eyes, slowly looking across the table, to the two mortal men—“if what we felt for one another wasn’t real. I surely would not be on my way to an entire kingdom who will likely whisper each time they see me, distrust everything there is about me, and look upon me as if I deserve not even minimal respect.”