Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 47241 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 236(@200wpm)___ 189(@250wpm)___ 157(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 47241 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 236(@200wpm)___ 189(@250wpm)___ 157(@300wpm)
I sank into my computer chair and stared at my monitor.
“Hey,” said Shawna, leaning over the divider, “you okay? I didn’t mean to upset you or anything.”
“No, it’s okay,” I muttered. “I’ll just go kill myself now. Maybe a sharp knife or poison.”
She said nothing, so I turned my head and found a worried-looking Shawna.
“I was joking,” I snapped.
“Not funny.” She shook her head at me.
“I really appreciate your honesty. Maybe it’s what I needed to hear.” Because the truth was, I did care about people. My people. My family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. I cared about my community. But what good was any of that if they weren’t feeling it?
To be clear, I’d always thought that my big holiday bash was “Appreciation Month for Everyone in Meri’s Life.” It was why I went all out. But maybe that was where I’d been going wrong. I’d been appreciating them my way. I’d been celebrating my favorite holiday, thinking my gift was sharing my passion with them.
“Maybe I just live in a bubble,” I muttered. “The Meri bubble.”
“Honestly? I think it’s that you’re always worried about making people happy. You act like you owe everyone something. For example, you don’t need to bake me muffins every week or bring me lattes all the time. Yes, I appreciate them, but it makes me feel guilty. I don’t know why, but it does. And when I tell you not to do it, you do it anyway.”
“I do it because I owe you for being the only person at work I can talk to.” Just like I owed Kay for putting up with the constant cruise ship letdowns. I owed everyone I loved.
Shawna gave me a hard look. “Do you see me running around like I owe you anything?”
I shook my head.
“Exactly. We’ve been friends for five years. We’ve helped each other through hangover workdays, bad bosses, and the occasional creepy coworker. I’m here for you, Meri. I have your back, and you have mine. That’s enough for me.”
I smiled shallowly. “It’s enough for me, too.”
“Good. Then stop acting like my friendship is a membership that needs to be renewed all the time. You already paid up by being a wonderful human being and by being there when I need you.”
She was right. I always felt friendships were like plants that required constant watering. But maybe they were more like works of fine art you had to display in a place of honor in your heart, where they could be appreciated.
“Thanks, Shawna. You really are a great friend.”
“I am, which is why I’m also going to add that I still want holiday cookies and an invite to your party.”
My mood instantly elevated. “You don’t think they’re too much?”
“Hell no. I love your psycho-bitch, Christmas spazzfest. It’s like Hannibal Lecter and Santa had a baby who feeds on reindeer’s nutsacks and jizz-flavored eggnog. So sick. Yet I can’t stop wanting more.”
I smiled big. There she is, my Shawna. “Have I ever told you how much I fucking love your gross shit-talk? Magical. Also, I think I have to throw up now.”
“Jizz nog too much for you?”
“Stop.” I covered my mouth.
“How about sack nog? Or sweaty Santa foreskin sippy juice?”
“Enough. Please.” I held up my palm. “I’m going to throw up in my mouth. By the way, what do you want for lunch?”
“Oddly, I’m craving clam chowder,” she said flatly.
“Me too. Meet you out front in a sec. I need to make a quick call.” I grabbed my purse and headed out.
Once outside, I quickly dialed Jason, but it went to voicemail. “Hey, it’s Meri. I’m really sorry about not trusting you before. I mean, yeah, you work for our landlord, so that kind of makes you an insta-dick, but you were right about the camper. He seems okay. So can you do me a favor if he’s still there? Tell him I’m an okay person, too. Tell him I appreciate how he came to my rescue and that all I wanted was to make sure he doesn’t die of an infection. I just…wanted him to know in case he decides to take off today. Thanks, bye.”
I hung up, hoping I’d at least make one thing right. Not that I was entirely sure what I’d done wrong.
CHAPTER FIVE
That evening, despite the new snowstorm rolling in, I parked my red truck out front of my building since my garage was partially filled with boxes. Hopefully the weather would clear by Friday because this weekend was the big kickoff. I would carry up my decorations, lock myself away from the world, play my favorite holiday songs, and drink white peppermint-tinis until I puked. But so help me God, I would not leave my apartment until I’d transformed it into a magical oasis of Christmas cheer.
I got to my place and shed my red coat, snow boots, and white crocheted hat, leaving everything to dry on my reindeer bench complete with faux antlers for hanging one’s coat. It was a very special find, hand-carved in Greenland by a little old man who spent his days looking out the window at actual reindeer. I wanted to go there one day. I’d read about a spa with cabins made of thermal glass so you could see in every direction for tens of miles. They said if you were lucky, you’d catch a glimpse of the aurora borealis. If you were super lucky, you just might see a plump old man shooting across the sky in a sleigh, carrying a load of supplies as he prepared for the big day.