Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 47241 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 236(@200wpm)___ 189(@250wpm)___ 157(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 47241 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 236(@200wpm)___ 189(@250wpm)___ 157(@300wpm)
“Why? You just said you’re not dating him,” she said.
“Correct.”
“Do you wanna date him?” she asked.
“No,” I replied firmly. I mean, who would want to date a guy with such a bizarre life?
“Then step aside, Christmas kitten, and let me survey. M’kay?”
“Kitten?” I arched a brow.
“We all know you live for the soft, fluffy crap served during the holidays.”
“I like Christmas. So how’s that soft or fluffy?”
“Have you ever gone on an American Horrorday vacation? Imagine being in the woods in a run-down cabin, the night air filled with screams as campers are chased by bloody elves. It’s like Freddy meets the North Pole. Nonstop cosplay gore. Plus all the holiday horror movies you can stomach. I go every year with a big group.”
“Sounds…interesting.” I didn’t know what else to say. As far as I was concerned, she could keep her weird murder-Christmas. Just hands off Beau. “Guess I am a Christmas kitten after all. Meow.”
“And I’m a surveyor of men.” She laughed and went out to the living room.
As the evening wore on, I sat with Shawna on her zebra print couch, across from her friend Roy, who was a high school teacher by day and sculptor by night. He was also a sniffling moron whose passion was talking about anything meaningless. “I think rosé wines are for people who cannot commit to red or white. I read a study done in Italy, and they found that rosé drinkers are ten times more likely to divorce.”
Ohmygod. Shut up! That was what I’d wanted to say when Shawna first introduced us a few years ago, hoping we might click. We had not. He wasn’t even level-four friend material—aka “acquaintances through a friend”—in my book. If I ever spotted him in a store, I would pretend I didn’t see him.
“I love your new zebra couch, Shawna,” Roy said, sitting in the black velveteen armchair. “Did I tell you that I went to the zoo recently? I think it’s a waste that they don’t sell the elephant dung. Think of all the money they could make off that prime fertilizer. I read that elephant dung can make your fruit trees grow ten times bigger.”
Someone please shove toothpicks in my ears. I looked over at Beau and Egypt sitting across the room at the dining room table with the other guests. She’d moved one inch closer to him, and now she had her daggers on his arm. To his other side was one of Shawna’s good friends, Mona, giggling and batting her eyelashes.
I can’t believe this. They’re all over him! Rage began bubbling inside. It wasn’t that I owned him or anything, but he’d come with me. He wasn’t here for them.
“Meri, why are you looking like an angry ripe tomato?” Shawna whispered.
“Can I speak to you alone in the kitchen?” I said to her in a low voice.
Roy gave me a hard look. “Secrecy causes liver damage. Did you know that a study—”
“If you say one more word, Roy,” I growled, “I’ll study your liver over a cheap Chianti.” I dragged Shawna to the kitchen.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“I thought you called off the Beau inquisition.”
“I didn’t say a word to anyone.”
“Then why’s your sister and friend all over him?” I seethed.
“Maybe because he’s hot?”
“No, he isn’t,” I protested.
“You’re telling me that the tall guy out there with sultry bedroom eyes and a jaw like a nutcracker isn’t hot?”
I lowered my voice. “He lives in my alley next to a dumpster.”
“That doesn’t make him unfuckable.”
My jaw dropped. “You’re telling me you’d let Egypt, your little sister, take some hobo to bed?”
“She’s a grown-ass woman. Besides, why are you acting all jealous? Do you want him, Meri?”
“No.”
She grinned, a teasing look in her eyes. “Then why’d you call and say to leave him alone? You’re trying to protect him.”
“I’m not,” I grumbled.
“Then just let him be. Let her be. She can make up her own mind about him.” She looked out the kitchen doorway at Beau, her face glowing.
“Ohmygod. You like him, too, don’t you?” I said.
“Maybe? I mean, look at the man. And he just whipped everyone’s asses at trivia, charades, and hangman. Brains and looks. He can pitch his tent at my place anytime.” She chuckled.
That was it.
I marched over to Beau, who still sat happily at the table, chatting away with his admirers. “Time to go.”
“So soon?” Egypt said.
“Yeah. I have…stuff to do tomorrow. Christmas-kitten stuff. You know,” I said bitterly.
Beau looked at me. “Are you okay?”
No, I was angry. Everyone was hitting on my hobo. “Yep. All good. Let’s go.”
“You can stay if you want,” said Mona. “I can give you a lift home.” She slid her arm over his bulging bicep.
In that moment, I didn’t know what came over me, but it wasn’t something good. “The guy lives in a tent, okay? His home is my apartment’s dumpster. He’s not my friend or neighbor. He’s a bum. A homeless bum. I’m sorry for bringing him here, but it seemed like the nice thing to do.”