Total pages in book: 222
Estimated words: 213974 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1070(@200wpm)___ 856(@250wpm)___ 713(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 213974 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1070(@200wpm)___ 856(@250wpm)___ 713(@300wpm)
My control slipped. “You forced yourself on me.”
The corners of his lips turned down. “I know the display of my love for you was intense.”
Love? He called that a display of love? It had been a show of jealousy-and-anger-fueled punishment—one he ended up enjoying.
“I lost control,” he said as the churning moved up my throat. “That is all.”
For a moment, I was struck silent by his response. “You didn’t just lose control,” I said, a part of me unable to believe that I had to explain this to a more-than-grown-ass man. “You bit me again without my consent, and you found pleasure while doing so. An apology and promise will not make that okay.”
“What will make it okay?” he demanded, his cheeks deepening in color. “I wish to start anew with you. Tell me how I can make that possible.”
I stared at him, trying to understand how he could think this was something one could make okay. Like what experiences had he lived that gave him the impression that one could start anew after violating someone? Yes, he was a Primal god, and they operated under rules and norms I would likely never understand, but that didn’t excuse his behavior now or before with Sotoria. That wasn’t a good enough reason.
But then it struck me. And it was plainly obvious. There was no excuse. Just as with Tavius, this was simply how Kolis was. And maybe something in his past made him this way, but I couldn’t give an actual fuck about what it might be, because no reasons were good enough. Mortals and gods alike had all been through horrible things, but not all of them turned into this. Aios was a good example. So was Ash.
So was I.
But what I did care about was Ash, so I tamped down my rage and gave Kolis what he wanted. Mostly. “I need time.”
“Time?” he repeated, his brows lifting.
Taking a deep breath, I nodded. “I need time to trust that you will honor your promise.”
“My word should be good enough,” he stated flatly.
My gods, I was two seconds from losing my shit. “I don’t know you—”
Kolis was suddenly right before me, eather crackling in his eyes. “I am the King of Gods. You know that. It should be enough.”
He was out of his mind.
I held myself still, even as my heart hammered. “This is not helping.”
Several long, unsettling moments passed, then he stepped back. “You’re right.” The essence faded from around him. “I will give you time.”
I didn’t believe that. If he couldn’t understand the wrongness of his actions or chose not to, he wouldn’t respect my request for time. He wasn’t capable of doing so. And that wasn’t a justification or an excuse. It was the terrifying reality of who he was, whether he was all the beauty and gold of the embers he’d stolen or Death.
“I will give you time to feel more comfortable around me,” he continued. His shoulders bunched in my silence. “Say something.”
Go fuck yourself. I wanted to say that. Or I hope you die a slow, terrible death that lasts thousands of years, you sick motherfucker.
“Okay,” I forced out instead. “Thank you.”
“Good.” Some of the rigidness eased from him, and that well-practiced smile instantly returned as he placed his glass on the table. “Nyktos is coming out of stasis and should be in a position to be released in the next couple of days.”
There was no mistaking how he attempted to downplay what he’d done to Ash with his word choice. It wasn’t a change in position. It was a change in his health.
A demand to see what kind of state Ash was in rose to the tip of my tongue—one that would surely make things worse for Ash. Because I’d heard the struggle in Kolis’s voice when he reminded himself that there must always be balance. It was something he was very much capable of forgetting.
But it would also make things worse for me. Asking to see Ash before had…well, I knew how that had ended. A tremor went through me as Kolis adjusted the pitcher so the handle faced toward the chamber.
Kolis then turned to me. Several moments passed, then he looked upon me. My skin began to crawl as if a thousand spiders swarmed me.
“I am…sorry, so’lis,” he said, the skin twitching at the corner of his mouth. “For whatever distress I have caused you.”
I said nothing, only able to muster a nod of acknowledgment.
Kolis lifted his hand and cupped my cheek. I didn’t flinch. I didn’t move away as he drew his thumb over the fading bruise on my jaw. I didn’t don the veil of nothingness. This was different as he touched me. It was like I was here, but not. “What did I tell you about using the embers?”
I jolted, having forgotten all about that. I opened my mouth, but Kolis pressed his finger to the center of my lips, silencing me. “That was a rhetorical question, my dear.” He smiled, and it reminded me of suffocating, sweltering heat. “I felt the essence. I know it came from you. I warned you not to use it lest you wish to be punished.”