Total pages in book: 222
Estimated words: 213974 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1070(@200wpm)___ 856(@250wpm)___ 713(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 213974 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1070(@200wpm)___ 856(@250wpm)___ 713(@300wpm)
“I know,” he said, the two words sounding as if torn from the depths of his soul.
I stepped forward. “And I want you to know that none of this is your fault.”
Ash’s chest rose with a deep inhale.
“None of it,” I repeated.
“Sera.” He let out a scathing laugh and opened his eyes. Shadows appeared beneath his skin. “Do you know what I’d rather be doing right now?”
I could hazard a guess. “Anything else?”
He shook his head. “Not just anything else. I’ve thought of things.”
“Like…like what?”
“Teaching you how to swim,” he said without hesitation. My chest squeezed. “Showing you more of Iliseeum. Returning to the cavern—I think you liked it there.”
“I did,” I whispered.
“I would rather be lying in bed with you, sitting on the palace balcony together, getting you to tell me all the things you haven’t shared with me about when you grew up. Training with you. Fighting with you. Even arguing with you.” The shadows deepened under his flesh. “But the only reason we’re standing here, having this conversation instead of doing all those things—exploring the innumerable ways I’ve dreamt of fucking you—is because of what I’ve done.”
My mind got stuck on a specific part of what he’d said. “What are some of those innumerable ways?”
The change that came over Ash was swift and heady. His chin dipped, his striking features warming as the shadows disappeared. “I’d be more than happy to show you.”
Heat swamped my veins, which was so not helpful at the moment. I shook my head.
“You sure?” His silky voice stretched out like a tendril of dark mist, brushing against me.
“Yes,” I forced myself to say. “Unfortunately.” I refocused. “Look, you made choices based on the knowledge you had. You didn’t do the wrong things.”
Shaking his head, he looked away. A muscle ticked in his jaw.
“It wasn’t even your father’s fault—not really. The Arae made it so he nor anyone who knew could tell you,” I repeated what I’d told him earlier. “You didn’t know any of this would happen.”
That muscle worked even harder.
“I don’t blame you.” I inched closer. “And I know this isn’t something I can convince you of. You need to come to the understanding—the acceptance. And I need you to because I want you to promise me something.”
He turned his head slightly toward me.
“I…I want you to live,” I began. “After Kolis is dealt with and you take your rightful place as King of Gods—”
“That is not my rightful place.”
“Ash—”
“It’s your rightful place.”
My brows slammed together. “What? I’m not a Primal. I’m not even a god.”
“But those embers?” Ash said. “They’ve become yours.”
Said embers hummed faintly throughout me, but I wouldn’t become that, even if Ash had his kardia and could Ascend me. The embers would likely cause my body to explode or do something else disturbing and gross. “And they will become yours.”
Lips thinning, he looked away.
“And I don’t want you to be alone after that happens.”
The eather in his eyes went flat. “What are you saying, Sera?”
“I’m…I’m saying that I want you to live. Really live, Ash.” I twisted my fingers together. “I want you to find a way to restore your kardia.”
“Good Fates.” He thrust a hand through his hair.
Undaunted, I pressed on and stopped in front of him. “And I want you to allow yourself to love.”
His hand fell, clenching into a fist. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
“I’m not.” I looked up at him. “I want you to allow yourself to love and be loved, Ash. You’re more than worthy of that. You deserve it. More than anyone I know.”
“I don’t give a fuck what I supposedly deserve,” he snarled, shadows bleeding through his flesh. “You’re seriously asking me to find a way to love another?”
“I am.”
He stared down at me, his chest heaving. “I…I could never do that.”
Pressure clamped down on my chest. “I need you to.”
“I cannot believe you would even ask this of me.” The shadows whipped under his skin. “Think that I would just be able to forget about you—”
“I’m not asking you to forget me. I don’t want that. I don’t want you to ever forget me.” I placed my hands on his chest, causing him to jerk as if burned. “But you’re going to live for a long time. I want you to be happy. That is important to me. Because I love you, Ash.”
“Fuck,” he rasped, the silver of his eyes was as bright as the moonlight reflecting off the waters of my lake, and the set of his jaw was as hard as the shadowstone beneath it.
“I love you.” Fighting back tears, I lifted my hands and cupped his face. His eyes closed briefly, thick lashes fanning his cheeks. “Knowing that you will be happy will allow me to find peace because you will have found peace.”