Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 100818 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 504(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100818 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 504(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
“It would be like losing him all over again,” Bishop says quietly.
“It really was.”
“What happened to him?”
“His body just gave up. He took such good care of himself—ate healthy, stayed active, did all the right things to help manage the diabetes—but his body couldn’t keep up with him. He went into a coma and never came out.”
“I’m sorry, Stevie.” He stretches his arm across the back of my seat and slips his hand under my hair, palm curving around the back of my neck. It feels nice, comforting.
“I don’t think it was until I moved out to LA that the loss really and truly hit me. Being away from my mom, the farm. I didn’t account for the way that would affect me. Joey was nice, and he wanted to spend time with me. He didn’t know my brother was a hockey player at first, and I didn’t tell him until we’d been dating for a while, because I’ve learned the hard way that people will use you to suit their purposes. Anyway, I wanted someone to bring to family events so my brothers wouldn’t try to pull the whole dad thing on me. He was kind of like a shield, which is a horrible thing to say.”
“It’s not horrible. He was protection against more pain.”
“Yes. Exactly. Like I know my brothers both mean well, especially RJ, but my whole life it’s been about him and his career and his life and his success. When our dad died, I think he felt like he needed to step up somehow, but it was a reminder that Dad was gone. I was struggling to cope, so when Joey came into my life, I used him as armor. He was my defense against the loss I couldn’t seem to deal with. Everyone thought I was fine because I was with him. He was safe because, while I liked him and was comfortable with him, I wasn’t ever in love with him.” It isn’t until I voice it that I realize it’s true. He was a convenient shield.
“I really hope your family appreciates you.” Bishop absently rubs the back of my neck; at least I think it’s absently.
“In another family my accomplishments might be celebrated more, but it’s hard to compete when you have a brother who’s a star NHL player. It’s not RJ’s fault, or my parents’, but when you have a kid who shows that much promise and potential, you do whatever you can to help them succeed. I’m proud of RJ, but when you have a light that bright beside you, it sort of forces you into the shadows. Not that I mind the shadows. I prefer them to the spotlight.”
“Is that why you avoid games and telling people Rook is your brother?”
“Sort of. I don’t want to get used because my brother is who he is. It’s happened before, and I’m sure it will happen again.”
“How do you mean?”
“Sometimes people would use the fact that I’m his sister to try to get to him. Especially when he went through his bunny phase.”
“He was pretty high profile for a while there. I wasn’t sure if any of it was taken out of context or not.”
“Kind of hard to take a threesome in a hot tub out of context,” I say derisively. “He made such bad decisions for a while, and my parents were so angry with him. I was almost . . . glad to see him fall from grace for a while, maybe?”
“Because the media wasn’t spinning him as a golden boy?”
I cringe and nod. “It’s not that I didn’t want him to be successful. I did, I still do, but he had no idea what kind of impact his choices had on me. We grew up in a rural town. The entire high school practically worshipped him. When he started sleeping around with puck bunnies, I was suddenly the most popular and hated girl in the school. For, like, half a second I enjoyed the attention. And then the catty, bitchy behavior came out. Girls can be horrible to each other.”
“You’re kind of the opposite of my brother. He uses my name to get women into bed with him and doesn’t feel bad about sending them packing, because he knows why they’re there.”
“That would make me feel . . . hollow.”
Bishop nods. “It’s his way of avoiding getting into an actual relationship. I think he’s afraid to settle down with any one person because his health is what it is. Even if he takes great care of himself, he’ll still face challenges, like your dad did. And knowing that he could potentially be leaving behind all these people who need him . . . I think he doesn’t like that possibility. Besides, we didn’t have the best role model with our dad.”