Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 117177 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 586(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117177 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 586(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
He laughed, releasing my thigh to pay the driver.
And then he was helping me out of the cab, my hand tight in his again as he hurried up the front stoop to let us into the building. The silence was thick, our breathing a little loud, a little shallow, as we took the stairs to the second floor.
Chris’s scent hit me fully as we entered his place. It wasn’t the apartment in Manhattan, but it was a good size, and it was furnished comfortably. He’d made it feel like his place already somehow. Maybe because it smelled like him.
Speaking of, I wanted to bury my face in his throat.
He released my hand to stride across the living room and drop his keys on the kitchen counter.
Disappointed by the sudden distance between us, I waited a little unsurely near the entrance.
Chris turned to me.
His expression was no less heated than before, so I attempted to relax.
“I didn’t bring you up here for a casual night together,” Chris said, his tone almost stern. “You need to know that now, because if that’s all you want from me, I can’t give it to you. I can’t because . . .” He released a long breath, something beyond tender and special settling in his expression. “I care about you a lot, Hallie—I have real feelings for you. Serious romantic feelings. I was going to tell you before now. I wanted to tell you last weekend, in fact, before your mom called. So I want you to know that this isn’t a jealous reaction to Derek. Yeah, I was jealous, but I was going to tell you how I felt before I saw you with him.” Suddenly he looked fearful, which confused me. “Hallie, I need to tell you something, and I’m not afraid to admit that I’m terrified that once I do, you’ll turn around and walk out of my life and I’ll never see you again.”
Stunned, apprehensive, the heat flushing my skin cooled. “You . . . you can tell me anything.”
Chris took a deep breath, expression wary. “I knew you before we met at Darcy’s engagement party. That first video you sent apologizing for watching my videos reached me. I was in a bad headspace when you sent that first video. All I heard you say is that you watched these private videos of mine, and it irritated me. I told Kate to make you think the email bounced so you wouldn’t contact her or me again. But you sent another . . . and I couldn’t help but be drawn to you.”
A whole mix of emotions filled me—embarrassment, indignation, hurt—and I took a few steps back toward his front door. “But . . . my emails kept bouncing. You . . . made me think I wasn’t sending them to anyone. I thought— I said some really personal things on there.”
Remorse made his features haggard, and he took a pleading step toward me. “I know. I can’t explain the instant pull I felt toward you, Hallie. I can’t explain what it was like. I just knew that I wanted to be in your world a little longer, and I thought if you realized someone was watching, you would stop. It is the single most dishonest thing I’ve ever done, and I have no good excuse for it. Your videos just made me feel less alone.”
Like his videos had made me feel less alone.
Oh my God.
He had kept this from me, but I was a hypocrite if I couldn’t forgive him for watching the videos.
I nodded slowly, my head spinning. “Right. Okay. So we did that to each other. I can’t be mad at you for doing to me what I did to you . . . but, Chris, I confessed to you. Right away. Before we were even friends. You’ve kept this from me for weeks, and you decide to tell me now?”
He took another step forward. “You said at Darcy’s party that you didn’t think you could forgive someone doing that to you.”
“I didn’t mean it.” I threw my hands up in exasperation.
“I thought you did. And I thought that it would be better if I told you the truth once you’d gotten to know me. Once you knew that I would never maliciously keep this from you.”
“Why tell me right now? When we’re about to . . .” I gestured vaguely between us.
“I want you,” Chris said gruffly. “So much. I wanted you from that very first video diary you sent. That’s why I was afraid to tell you the truth because I didn’t want to lose you before I even got the chance to really know you. It was wrong. I’m sorry. But I couldn’t take this further between us without telling you. I would never do that.”
I considered his words. Considered the truth. And while my cheeks still burned at the thought of Chris knowing all my private thoughts, I realized I’d told him everything I’d said in those diaries all over again to his face. I’d trusted him. His keeping this from me had thrown me.